better than a resolution

i don't really ever make "resolutions" because i kind of don't see the point.  no one ever really keeps them, maybe for a week or a month tops, then they gradually stop "resolving" and they feel like a total failure for not sticking to it.  hence the reason why i don't like resolutions.  i don't like feeling like i've failed at something or let myself down.  plus, the gym is more crowded than a KFC handing out free fried chicken the month of january with all those resolving to "lose weight and get healthy in 2010!"  the gym generally clears out by february and life goes back to normal.

also, i'm not trying to lose weight or eat healthier or go to the gym more often.  severe food allergies pretty much keep the skinnies on (both a blessing and a bad curse) and force you to eat healthy and i'm fine with going to the gym once a week, once a month, or whenever i damn well feel like it.

my point is, i'm not into resolutions.  in fact, i propose a good failure-free solution and something much much better: post-it notes!  okay, so you may be thinking, what the hell am i going to do with post-it notes?  first of all, i LOVE post-it notes.  particularly pretty post-its.  i put them in places i look most often with reminders of things most important.  still don't get it?  here's what i mean, and you may of course tailor it to your needs, what's important to you, or what you're looking to do.  little sayings, quotes, verses, and personal reminders go a long way for me:

if you have castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be.  now put the foundations under them.

- henry david thoreau

fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are Mine.

- proverbs 3:24

conquer yourself, not the world.

- rene descartes

for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

- 2 timothy 1:7

take bailey boo for a long walk today.

call a friend i haven't talked to in awhile.

do something nice for someone today and don't secretly bitch about it.

try not to curse like a sailor for a day.
(maybe this will get quasi-bf to quit saying, for such a little girl, you sure do have a dirty mouth.  my mom's so proud.)

pray for others.

volunteer for a day.

go for a long run.

study the bible and spend more time in prayer.

love others more than i love yourself.

my goals will morph and change throughout the year as i grow and change.  thank you to all of you who have become my readers, my lovely stalkers, and even my bloggie friends in 2009.  i enjoy reading and commenting on each and everyone of your blogs, so keep them coming!  some of you encourage me, some of you make me laugh my ass off in the middle of the day when i need it most, and some of you bless me by saying the right thing at the right time.  thank you for sharing a little piece of you with the blogosphere.

i hope you all have the happiest of new year's eves and are ready for a great new year in 2010!

* xoxoxoxoxooxxooxoxoxox *

insider talk

** UPDATE **

(you know i never use caps, so this must be important shit)

over $500 later.... my little gremlin and i just got home a little while ago from the vet!  woo hoo!  she is alive and well, just a little groggy but still super excited to be back home.  now the hard part is going to be "not letting her run or jump for 7-10 days."  she's an effing dog, that's what they do.  we'll see how it goes. 

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i was seriously useless yesterday.  i didn't changed out of the nike be bold running pants that i slept in or my fancy thorlo running socks that i haven't even run in yet.  i don't know if you guys know this, but there.is.nothing.on.tv.during.the.day.  seriously, nothing except law & order re-runs.  i have to be honest, i never really watched or even liked law & order, but with there being literally nothing good on tv, and my little fur baby gone at the vet getting her little reproductive organs worked on, i was sad and lonely so i laid around, moped, worried, felt sorry for myself, read your blogs, and watched tv all day yesterday.  i called the vet clinic every two hours to check on her. obsessive? yes. don't judge. anyways, back to laying around and watching law & order: special victims unit, or "l & o: svu" as the insiders like to call it, and after watching it for eight hours straight, i'm pretty sure i can be classified as an insider.

{check out my crew.  i feel like i know them after yesterday.}

as a result of staring at an LCD screen for eight hours, not only do my eyeballs ache, but i may or may not have a daytime crush on christopher meloni (or as the insiders of l & o: svu call him "detective elliott stabler"). and like any new obsession, i googled him and found a wealth of information from my really smart, all-knowing internet best friend, wikipedia (i call him "wiki" for short). i was given tons of useful information. like the fact that he's older than my freaking mother. only by three years, but still. that his ancestry is irish, french canadian, and italian; he's the youngest of three children; and he graduated from the university of colorado at boulder with a degree in history. oh, and he has baby blue eyes which i'm such a sucker for.  see what you can do with your time off??

{america's favorite dectective.}

{and here's a sexy time pic for all you freaks out there.}

my little gremlin's big day

today is the big day for my bailey boo.  today is the day where she will never have to take a birth control pill ever again.  mayra calls it the "permanent birth control" which i guess is a good way of looking at it.  i woke my little gremlin up early this morning and she was so excited to see me.  i put her cute little leash on her cute little collar, and she started furiously wagging her cute little tail because she thought she had hit the jackpot and we were going for a walk.  i felt so terrible putting her in the car and going to the vet.

when we got there, there were two big dogs sniffing and growling at her, and she just looked up at me and cried and had an accident on the floor - something she hasn't done in weeks, so i knew she was terrified.  i was pissed.  i wanted to kick those big, mean dogs and tell them to leave my baby the eff alone, but instead i just picked her up and mean mugged the big, mean dogs just because they had pissed this momma off.


we were finally taken to the back where the vet weighed and examined her.  bailey weighs 17 pounds and vet says she looks great and healthy.  she's going to have the surgery, get up-to-date on her shots, get her nails clipped (finally, she was like a little velocaraptor with those nails), microchipped (so when she thinks it's okay to run away i can find her ass), get some heartworm treatment, and a few other money sucking preventative procedures and tests because i'm a sucker and the vet convinced me these were "highly" recommended.  i'm such a sucker, and the vet knew it.  way to capitalize on my fears and me being a new mommy.  i was nearly in tears when i gave her a kiss goodbye and handed her over.  i can't wait to pick her up tomorrow.  they said i can come anytime after 10:00 a.m. so i'm pretty sure i'll be there at 10:01 a.m.!

back to reality (kind of)

christmas came and went like one night stand, and now it's back to reality for most of us.  i'm not quite back in reality yet, though because I.HAVE.THIS.WHOLE.WEEK.OFF!! :) i know, it's okay to be a little jealous.  but don't worry, next monday morning's going to be a rude awakening for me and i'm already dreading it... anyways, enough of that.  i hope everyone had the merriest of christmases and enjoyed their time with friends and family.  i definitely did, and i'm extending my little vacay through this week and getting stuff done that i never have time to do while i'm working and taking care of my fur baby - i.e. lots of kickass classes at the gym with some of houston's hottest housewives (i keep thinking, if i could just be a housewife for the rest of my life, i would have the best damn body!), shopping and errands (even though my bank account hates me right now), meeting up with old friends, lots of walks and play time with bailey boo, laying around watching terrible tv, reading some new books i got for christmas, getting my nails and hair did, etc.  you get the idea.  it's going to be a great week, i can tell.

my little gremlin, bailey, on the other hand, isn't so stoked about this week.  she thinks it's so great that her mommy's home and playing with her all day, but little does she know, she's having surgery tomorrow morning.  you know "down there" kind of surgery - the kind of surgery that will prevent her from having other little gremlin babies.  i have to be honest with you guys, i know dogs are neutered/spayed everyday and vets know what they're doing, but i am kind of freaking out.  not only are they cutting her open and she's going to get stitches on her cute little tummy, but she has to stay over night all alone in a strange place!!!  :(  i'm really having anxiety about the whole thing and kind of nervous and worried.  i know she's going to be fine, but it still worries me.  i'm going to have to be a brave mommy tomorrow.  i can't imgaine what a wreck i'll be when i have kids!! 

i'll let you know how it goes tomorrow, and in the meantime i'll leave you with this little photo of my little brother, my little gremlin, and me with a cute boston terrier ornament from christmas morning:

{we're still working on how to take pictures with her.  she doesn't quite get it yet.}

a child of the great depression

me:  so you know how i got those two new space heaters?  well, i have this great idea.

quasi-bf:  what's that?  you leave one at your house and one at your office?

me:  no!  i'll put one in my bedroom and one in the living room and keep them on while i'm home so i won't ever have to turn my heater on!  i'll be saving tons of money.  it's so genius!

quasi-bf:  no, it's stupid.  just turn your heater on.  why are you being so cheap?

me:  umm, i was a child of the depression.

quasi-bf:  what the hell??  you were born in the 1980s!  your mom was born in the mid 60s and your grandparents weren't even born until the late 30s and early 40s.  who the hell do you even know that lived during the great depression??

me:  my great grandmother.  she once told me how she knew someone who stood in line for bread.

quasi-bf:  your family's not even american!  i'm pretty sure the swiss and italians didn't have the great depression.

me:  i watch a lot of history channel.  i know what the great depression was like and i don't ever want to go back.

"he is obviously doing drugs!!"

{text from my mom: your brother just bought this for himself.  he is obviously doing drugs!!}

a little christmas appetizer

so i decided to take off work yesterday and the rest of this week and i'm not going back until monday, january 4th, which i'm totally stoked about.  it just means i've been away from my computer more as i have been busy wrapping gifts and getting ready for Jesus' huge birthday party where i get all the presents.  i've been doing all the normal christmas-y things - dinners, parties, get-togethers, being the best damn betty crocker the city of houston has seen, dressing my little meatlof up in as many outfits as i can find, aerobics step class at the gym with one of my besties and our not-gay male friend, you know the usual.  anyways, i've been busier than paris hilton with a video camera, but i have not forgotten about you, my one true love.  as part of my day, i have scheduled time for reading and commenting on all of your awesome blogs and i wanted to show you a little pre-christmas appetizer...

whoever said diamonds are a girl's best friend knew what the hell they were talking about.  it was probably a gay man.  they always seem to be able to read my heart and mind.  anyways, see that little number over there?  that is my cute, little wrist and my amazingly beautiful new watch.  quasi-bf and i decided the other night just to open up one gift from each other.  this was what i came out with and it's safe to say i came out on top.  he had wrapped it along with this old tattered, sci-fi paperback book that i always see in his car, so at first i was like, "ummm, thanks, muffin top (a term of endearment because the man has .02% body fat)... you got me a shitty sci-fi book that i've seen in your car for over a year now... wow, you shouldn't have... this is almost better than that wooden clock i got one year..." 

he just giggled (yes, giggled) when i finally came across the box with my jeweled goodie. needless to say i'm obsessed with my new pre-christmas appetizer gift.  he's a good gift-giver, wouldn't you say??

take me back tuesday

circa 1990.  i did ballet for all of about 4 months.  i was not super girly (i had five older brothers), and i didn't "take direction well."  i preferred to do things "my own way" and impromptu on stage because i loved people looking at me.  go figure.  clearly, i've change sooo much.  and look at those arms!  they look like little vienna sausages.  hawt.  shortly after this photo was taken i switched to soccer; the uniforms weren't as cute as this, but they sure as hell didn't itch like this one did.  i obviously didn't quite know how to suffer for fashion yet.

the 411 on my christmas style

i saw this fun little christmas survey over at cee's blog, curiousity. (thanks, cee!)  you should do it, too - just copy and paste it into your blog!

wrapping paper or gift bags?

wrapping paper for sure (unless it's not able to be easily wrapped with paper, then i use a gift bag).  i actually like wrapping presents; i think it's because i love putting on the bows.  this year, however, wrapping has been a little more difficult as my little meatloaf, bailey, likes to "help."

real tree or artificial?

REAL, fo sho.  i'm not against fake trees, though.  my parents have a gorgeous big, blue spruce with pine cones on it, and it's fake and i love it.  you just can't beat to smell of a fresh cut christmas tree.

when do you put up the tree?

whenever i have time to go and buy it, honestly.  but it's NEVER before thanksgiving, though.  you all know how i feel about christmas decorations before thanksgiving.  no one wants a premature baby, do they??  the correct answer is "no."  the same should be true about premature christmas decorations.  i wish people would stop making thanksgiving the red-headed step child.

when do you take the tree down?

my grandma tells me christmas decorations should be taken down on the epiphany, which is january 6th.  (funny story sidenote: my little sister's birthday is on january 7th.  my grandmother was secretly hoping she'd be born on the 6th so we could call her tiffany of the epiphany.  my little sister was not born on the 6th and her name is not tiffany.  it's always a catholic thing with my grandma.)

do you like eggnog?

love it, but i'm allergic to milk so i can't drink it :(  i know they have soy milk eggnog, but i'm also allergic to soy, though less so than i am to milk.  so unless it comes in goat's milk or something else, eggnog is a no for me.

favorite gift received as a child?

hmmm, well one year i got a ton of trolls.  i think i was maybe 7 years old, though my memory is questionable.  do y'all remember those??  i seriously had a troll-themed christmas and got anything and everything troll.  i was so stoked.  looking back, those troll dolls really creep me out.  i don't know what i was thinking.  another year (my freshman year of high school) i got a king-sized bed and new bedding.  it was an awesome surprise because i had been begging my mom for a bigger bed and new bedding.

hardest person to buy for?

quasi-bf hands down.  it's difficult to shop for a guy who literally has everything, and he's ridiculously picky which doesn't help.  plus, i can never outdo or upstage the gifts he gets me.

easiest person to buy for?

probably my mom.  she pretty much makes a list of things she wants/likes.

do you have a nativity scene?

not my own, but i realllllly want a willow tree nativity set.

mail or email christmas cards?

mail, duh.

worst christmas gift you ever received?

omg.  okay, i will never forget this WORST gift as long as i live.  this little treasure was from a guy i dated freshman year of college.  he was from new mexico.  i tried to act as excited as i possibly could.  thing was, he didn't even make it.  he bought it from some thrift store back home.  i even had to hang it up on my wall in my dorm.  i gave it back to him after we broke up. 

favorite christmas movie?

elf.  obsessed.  i watch it with my little brother and little sister every year.  i also really like the old school christmas story with the kid in the pink, fuzzy bunny pajama suit.  i recently saw the movie four christmases and i didn't really expect much out of it, but i loved it and thought it was hysterical.

when do you start shopping for christmas?

typically on black friday.  it's tradition for my mom, little brother, and i to go out every year.  my brother's really just there to stand in line; he's always halfway asleep anyways.  we have a system.  i'm usually all done with my shopping by mid-december.  i did a lot online this year, which was nice.

have you ever recycled a christmas present?

not until this year actually and it was kind of accidental.  here's the story... my admin assistant owns four cats.  she's obsessed with cats.  anyways, she submitted a photo to some calendar company about two years ago.  a couple of months ago she received ten cat calendars and a letter telling her that her cats were featured on one day in the "365 days of cats!" calendar.  she was so freakin' stoked, you have no idea.  just in case you see the calendar at a kiosk in your mall, her cats are on july 23.  i know this because she says it ALL.THE.TIME.  i shouldn't judge, i'd probably be the same way if my little nugget made it in a calendar.  anyways, as you may have guessed by now, she gave me a "365 days of cats!" calendar for christmas.  she knows how much i hate cats.  i thanked her of course and told her how much i needed a new calendar at home (which is true, i do need a calendar at home, just want one with 365 days of rob pattinson, though).  i ended up giving the calendar to this little old lady at my church who loves cats.  she cried.  that's how much she loved the calendar.  i felt like i had done a good deed, so in this case it's okay.

favorite thing to eat at christmas?

sugar cookies.  mmmmmm. 

lights on the tree?

no, i leave it naked and bare. then i stick it in the corner and cover it with a sheet. (...) duh, of course i put lights on the tree. white lights.  what the hell kind of question is this?? 

favorite christmas song?

oooh, this is one of my favorite parts about christmas.  i have tons of favorites.  i love anything by frank sinatra or any other members of the rat pack crew.  i really that song "mary did you know?"  kind of reminds you of the whole point of christmas.  i absolutely love church during the christmas and advent season.  our church has gorgeous decorations and we start singing christmas hymns the sunday after thanksgiving.  i pretty much love love love all of the traditional christmas hymns.

travel at christmas or stay home?

my family usually travels - either colorado to go snow boarding or austin or dallas to be with family.  this year we're having christmas at my parents which is soooo nice and stress-free.

can you name all of santa's reindeer?

yes.  if this is a contest, i'll win.  i love winning.

angel on the tree top or a star?

i have neither on my tree.  i have these sparkly flower things.  i couldn't get the huge ribbon/bow to stay on!  boo!

open the presents christmas eve or morning?

we open one present on christmas eve and the rest on christmas morning.  oh, and SANTA COMES CHRISTMAS MORNING!  his presents aren't wrapped and he has really bad handwriting like he writes with his left hand when he's really right-handed.  hmmm... so tricky, that santa.

most annoying thing about this time of the year?

TRAFFIC and crowded malls.

favorite ornament, theme, or color?

red and gold.

favorite for christmas dinner?

dinner?  how about dessert?  my grandma makes this special cinnamon sugar pinwheel things that i can eat for days, seriously.  i can't really explain them, but for someone who can't eat most of the desserts (damn allergies), these are my one piece of sweetness!

what do you want to do for christmas this year?
this.

favorite christmas tradition growing up?

eating cookies and reading the christmas story from the bible before bed on christmas eve night and then waiting for santa to come!

and here are some pics of my christmas decorations!!

TFLN

since it's friday, and i'm still stuck at work, here's a little entertainment from our friends over at texts from last night (TFLN).  in the slim chance you've never seen or heard of TFLN, people send texts they've sent and/or received to this site which collects them.  the number in front in the area code of the person sending it.  you may come to find you have a lot of "cool" people in your city.  just an fyi to those who anal about grammar, there's a lot of typos and mistakes in these people's texts (i.e. - 90% of them are naked wasted when sending them); thus, they are insanely funny.  kinda wish this was around when i was in college.  i probably could have guessed which of my friends sent stuff in.

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(306): So not only did i just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

(843): I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.

(708): After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."

 

(805): Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.

(224): Can you put "designated driver" on a resume? 

(916): Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.

(571): the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.  ((f)p note: yessss, vamps!)

(973): all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.  ((f)p note: quasi-bf does not exist then)

(630): dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.

(956): Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity

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have a great weekend everyone!!  one week until christmas!!  oh, and i have a hair appointment tomorrow and i'm getting bangs... hmm, we'll see how it goes.

p.s. - go tell jessalyn merry christmas... she's kind of being a scrooge about the whole holiday and doesn't want to give or RECEIVE gifts!!  i know, right?!  wtf!  luff ya, jess! ;)

to: (f)p readers

love: jessalyn

apparently i'm glamorous AND adorable - who would've thought?!

{what girl doesn't love a little frosting??}

first, a big thank you to rasha at and this is what she said for making me feel so G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S.  (name that song.)  i'm relatively new to her blog and have found that she has an awesome perspective on life, she's real, she's honest, she's gorgeous, and i downright love her blog and make it a daily must-read.  check her out, she's got a lot of good stuff to say.

now it's my turn to pass this on this award on to some ladies who i find to be nothing short of absolutely glamorous.  they stay classy and fun, no matter what they're going through and they all make me smile with their great attitudes.  go check them out.  now.

summer at "b is for brown": this lady's got a hopeful spirit and stays positive no matter what's she's going through.  i admire her strength and honesty.  her and her hubby also have a suuuuuper cute story.  you can check it out on her blog.

kristen at k. law: inspired: her blog is just that - fun and inspiring.  she's gorgeous and has a lot of good stuff to say - namely that her occupation is being ryan renyolds #1 stalker fan.  how can you NOT love that??

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{i'm just so stinkin' cute!}

thank you, thank you, thank you to cathy at antsy pants for making me so gosh darn adorable!!  now that she's a real, live adult (a.k.a - 30 years old), she's got ants in her pants, can't sit still, and she's trying to determine what to do with her life while still enjoying the ambiguity of it all.  she's a great daily read for me and she should be for you, too! 

now to pass on the torch...

monique at a day in the life of a surferwife: she's just as sarcastic as i am, she fears raccoons just as much as i hate cockroaches, and she makes me laugh even when she's dying from something she caught from her kids.  oh, and she's a self-proclaimed control freak just like me so we're kind of kindred spirits in the regard.

ashley paige at i love you more than carrots:  just like me, she's a type-a perfectionist who loves to bake but hates to cook!  she's has this insanely adorable olde english sheepdog - he just got a new 'do that he's apparently not very happy with!

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so glad it's freakin' friday.  the sun's out for the first time in over a week here in houston, so i had to put on my special ring to go out in the sun today.  shit, i just ruined my street cred ... i've been watching too much vampire diaries.

it's that time of year: fat men in suits

no matter how old i am, my mom demands asks that her three children take pictures with santa EVERY.SINGLE.YEAR.  guess it's more for the tradition and my little sister (almost 11) than it is for my little brother (almost 18) and i (mid 20-something).  plus, she has a tablescape at her house of all of our photos over the years.  funny, i look the EXACT SAME in every one since i've been 16.  anyways, today happens to be the big day that i get to sit next to (or even more disturbing and sometimes, on the lap of) a paid man in a suit.  don't get me wrong, i love santa, and he's good to me every year.  i just don't like the suit.  it's germy and i want to spray him down with a can of lysol.  it grosses me out.  but rather than causing a scene and having to face the wrath of my mother (who can be a bigger beyotch than me), i deal with the germs and put a smile on my face.

so in honor of today, i share with you some kids who hate taking santa pics even more than me.

{little girl through gritted teeth: billy, i told you NOT to ruin it this year for me.  you do it every year and i'm sick on it.  next year, it's just me and santa.  i'm forcing mom to cut you out of the family.}

{1-2-3... ruuuuuuuuuuun!!!}

{this kid could be jet li's baby.}

{i'm less concerned with the crying kids and more concerned with this santa's jet black, bushy eyebrows.}

{now THIS guy looks like santa.}

{you looking at ME, old man...??}

{little boy: girls.  always effing everything up.  i get dressed in my clip-on tie and mr. rogers sweatervest, and she has to go and pull this when i'm over here looking fly.}

{little girl: you put me in my favorite tutu skirt and heels for this sh*t, mom!!!  i'm not even a teenager yet, and i already hate you!!!}

{is it just me or do santa and little suzie look totally drunk??}

i can't help it. i love vampires.

i realize nothing in this post makes me unique.  but if i wanted to really be unique, i wouldn't have side bangs, wear ankle boots, david yurman jewelry, love loubs and all things monogrammed, or shop at anthropologie, nordstrom, banana republic, ann taylor, or j. crew.  don't get me wrong, i like to mix it up a little and make things uniquely my own and sometimes even try to start new trends, but my point is, we all like the same fads and lust after what's the new "it" item.  the "it" item for me for oh, say, the past five months (i.e. the first time i read and subsequently watched twilight) has been vampires.  by now, you all know i like vampires.  and by like, i really mean love.  not all vampires, of course.  just the hot sexy ones.  the unkempt, but effortlessly sexy one below happens to be my (and every other tweenie bopper's) absolute fave.  like i literally sometimes secretly (and not so secretly) wish he'd be standing in my bedroom waiting for me when i got home from work and seduce me into becoming a vampire.  too much?  maybe so.  okay, i'll stop.

{i seriously wish he was a vamp in real life and we could have little vamp babies.  i don't like to think of myself as obsessed, just more like a really really dedicated fan...}

anyways, i've obviously read all four (five, if you count edward's version, midnight sun, found here at stephenie meyer's website) books of the twilight saga, own the collector's deluxe edition dvd AND blue ray disc of twilight, downloaded it to my ipod, stood in line with lots of middle and high schoolers to watch the midnight showing of new moon, own both movie soundtracks, and would have already purchased tickets for eclipse if they started selling tickets seven months in advance.  it comes out june 2010, by the way.  you get it.  i'm obsessed.

i really only limited my obsession to all things twilight and kind of boycotted any reproductions.  i.e. true blood and vampire diaries.  i was a snob and a one-man kind of gal and wouldn't settle for any vamp other than ed cullen.  well, my friends, as of last night during a two-hour-everyday-this-week-vampire-diaries-marathon on the cw, my snobbish ways are no more.  the plot and storyline are a little strange, but i'm liking it. and i kind of like this stefan salvatore character played by paul wesley, and his effed up but also hot brother, damon salvatore played by ian somerhalder.  the plot's different than twilight in that two vamp brothers - one good, one evil - fight over this chick named elena played by nina dobrev, who happens to look exactly like a girl stefan dated over a century ago.  damon tried to steal her away from stefan, so now they hate each other.  oh, and damon likes to eat people; another reason why stefan hates him.  oh, and instead of elena's bff being a werewolf, she's not a he, and she's a witch.  like i said, weird shit.  seems like in every story it's always us ladies causes the drama. go figure.  we're just so damn good at it.

to be honest, i kind of feel like a sell-out watching it.  i feel like all i'm doing is eating five of the 100 calorie packages of cookies when all i really want is a piece of cake.  what do you think??  have you seen it and/or do you watch it??

{there is no such thing as an ugly vampire.}

prepare for disappointment

if you're my bloggy bff then you probably read yesterday's post and are anticipating an update and reaction from my pops.  well, sad story.  i have no juicy update or dramatic reaction (yet, at least).  he actually ended up having a business dinner with the same germans who made him skip thanksgiving so we weren't able to celebrate his birthday and his didn't get to meet my furry little secret.  if you're sad, don't be.  we'll be celebrating it sometime this weekend and my furry little nugget is still on the guest list!  i'll do a full recap and let you know how it all goes down.

news you can use #3: what NOT to give

friends, this edition of news you can use just might save a life, and over here at (flash) pasteurized i'm all about saving lives.  can't figure out what to get the babies and kids in your life for christmas/hannukah/kwanzaa?  well, here's some items NOT to give them.  giving these as gifts could end up in serious injury or death and a big fat lawsuit.  just wanted to protect you and all of yours this gift-giving season.

roman shades

thinking about giving that special someone some nice roman shades this year??  THINK AGAIN.  these blinds are skillfully created death traps!  think they're pretty and nice??  WRONG.  they are not pretty and they are certainly not nice.  50 million have been recalled. 

{these bad boys will put you in a chokehold if you get too close.}

 stork craft drop-side beds

the photo speaks for itself.  no need for commentary.

{this is serious.}

state farm insurance bear

why you would give them a state farm bear, i don't know.  i have state farm and they have NOT been a good neighbor to me like they say in their commercials.  sorry, i'm bias since the car accident.  anyways, it looks harmless, right?  WRONG.  it's eyeballs pop out for you and little children to choke on.  like i said: NOT a good neighbor.

{do not be distracted by the fact that it's furry and cute and not wearing pants.}

folding beach chair for stuffed animals

the rabbit in a bikini threw me off a bit, but it's apparently the folding chair that's the problem.  the chair leg can pinch, bruise, or cut fingers if caught while folding.  my response: you think?  and a pair of scissors can cut you if they get in the way.  move your fingers out of the way.

{ironic wearing the print of an animal that eats you, don't you think, little rabbit?}

tony hawk pajamas

if you thought pj's were safe, you were sadly mistaken.  not when these bad boys can quickly turn into a flame thrower thanks to highly flammable material.

{flame on!}

legal disclaimer: i'm not making this shit up.  for a complete list of these and other recalled items, go here.

i'll keep you my furry little secret

by now, you all know my furry little nugget, bailey.  i've had her since the day after thanksgiving, so it's been about two and a half weeks so far.  my little sister had really been wanting a dog for a long time, and since i knew my dad really didn't want to get her a dog, i figured we could "share" bailey.  our family had to give our last dog to my ex ex boyfriend because she kept eating frogs and chewing up the backyard fence and digging holes to china.  she was a black lab puppy that i had the genius idea of bringing home on winter break during college freshman year.  my parents loved that surprise.  ha!  the dog before that (a german shepherd) died of a brain aneurysm.  we thought she had been poisoned by a butthole teenage neighbor so we sent her off to texas a&m for an autopsy.  and the dog before that (a basset hound) was bitten by a rattlesnake, not once but three separate times.  needless to say, my family doesn't have much luck with dogs.  and like i said my dad doesn't really care for dogs and doesn't want my sister to get one.  terrible, i know.  all the dogs were mine and/or my mom's idea. 

anyways, back to bailey... i also mentioned that during the day on monday-friday, she stays over at my parents' house while i'm at work.  i don't want her to be in her kennel all day all by her little furry, big ear lonesome self, plus my parents live close to my office so it's convenient and free doggy daycare!  so from 8:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m., bailey stays with her mimi and gets to play with her aunt and uncle when they get home from school.  my little sister absolutely loves it.  so far it all sounds great, huh??

well, while everyone else in my world knows about my new lovebug, who doesn't know about my little nugget is my dad.  he was in germany for business during thanksgiving so wasn't here to witness my new furry goodness.  "not here for thanksgiving!?!?" you exclaim.  well, yes.  he's swiss.  the pilgrims and indians did not eat and be merry and celebrate thanksgiving in switzerland.  thus, the big wigs at headquarters in germany don't give a shit that those living and working in america may have american spouses with little half-american children who celebrate this glorious holiday.  they called all the presidents from all the offices in the world to come.  they didn't care about turkey and sweet potatoes and pecan pie.  they schedule big, important meetings regardless.  anyways, point being my dad wasn't here to see bailey.

{germany = no thanksgiving!}

he got back in town from germany on december 6th.  it is now december 15th and he still doesn't know i ("they" part time) have a dog.  i drop bailey off after he leaves for work in the morning and i pick her up in the evening before he gets home from work.  my mom does the dirty work and hides the evidence, i.e. raw hides, chew toys, outfits, doggy bed, leash, etc.  we're terrible, i know.

you're probably wondering, meredith, when are you going to tell him?!  funny you should ask, bloggy friends.  you see, today is his birthday and we're grilling steaks and having a big dinner tonight to celebrate.  and guess who is on the guest list???  you guessed it!  my furry little nugget!! 

surprise, dad!!  you're a grandpa!!  happy birthday!!!

i'll let you know how it goes...

news you can use #2: barb's ten most fascinating

y'all (i am from texas, deal with it) are in for a special treat today.  not one, but two editions of news you can use in one week!  this edition comes from our very own barbara walters, along with some commentary from yours truly.  seriously, how can you not love barb??  the women's got to be at least 100 years old and she's still in the know about damn near everything.  just in case you missed her "ten most fascinating people of 2009" special, i bring you this recap.

10. lady gaga - who doesn't love the ga??  when asked if she was bi-sexual, she just smiled and said she liked both women and men, but had never been in love with a woman.  she wants to be an inspiration to teens who feel lost and like a freak, because that's how she felt when she was their age and she wants to express herself through art.  i think she's got all of our attention.

(she's giving you her p-p-p-p-poker faaaaace, poker faaaaace.)

9. jenny sanford - don't know who she is?  it's okay, most people don't.  she's south carolina's first lady, wife of governor mark sanford.  (*but not for long...)  the story here: governor husband goes missing for awhile, no one knows where the hell he is.  it's a big deal.  come to find out he was in argentina (yes, the country in south america) visiting his longtime lover and soulmate.  this first lady is one tough cookie and doesn't want to be seen as a victim.  she was very poised and super classy.  mad props.

("look, everyone!  i found him!")

* you should know that i am now a reputable news source because just this morning, jenny sanford announced that she is filing for divorce from her husband.  you can read about it here.   like i said, i'm a treasure trove of information.

8. tyler perry - he proudest accomplishment is that his mama lives in a pretty house with a maid.  i love men who are good to their mamas!

(medea - the character that made him famous.)

7. kate gosselin - according to barbara, if you don't know who kate gosselin is, welcome to america.  team kate over here.  she is the definition of type-a, control freak.  love it!

("i invented this haircut.")

6. glenn beck - sees himself as a libertarian (libertarians are for smaller government, lower taxes, and more freedom).  he has a radio show and a show on fox news.  kind of crazy, but speaks his mind.

(he screams and yells on his show.)

5. adam lambert - american idol runner up.  the other dude won.  he kissed a guy on stage and people freaked out.  i don't care what he did, i personally can do without his music.  i don't like his shrills.

(he likes sparkle and glitter, so we maybe could share clothes.)

4. brett favre - loved him on the packers.  he tried to retire three times.  how many times can you make a comeback??

("i'm retiring for the second time... i may or may not be back...  i may or may not play for the packers greatest rival...")

3. sarah palin - some love her, some hate her, but you can't say she hasn't made a name for herself.  i don't necessarily want her as our president anytime soon, but i still like her.  without her, tina fey wouldn't have a job at SNL.

2. the jackson kids - adorable kids, but they aren't michael's.  no one's fooled.

(please notice the action hero.)

and the #1 most fascinating person of 2009...

1. michelle obama - barb loved her arms.  we all know that behind every successful man, there's a successful woman.  we all know she's in charge around here...

("i have great arms.")