Friday, January 29, 2010

sock hoarder: i apparently have a thing for socks

i know we all have our own little quirks, idiosyncrasies, and weird things that we do.  at this point in my life, however, i thought i knew all of mine.  i happen to have a lot of them, and i'm pretty sure it comes with the territory of being OCD (may also be read as "crazy").  i don't use that term lightly like some people do.  it seems to be a catch phrase that all of a sudden everyone is describing themselves as "OCD."  i use this term in the real, medical sense, not in the "i like things a certain way" sense.  anyways, now you know i'm legitimately OCD and, those of you who have read my blog for awhile, know i like a lot of weird shit.  no, THE ga doesn't count as the weird shit i like.  she's filed under cool shit i like.  

okay, let me invite you over to last night at my house.  the weather in h-town's going ape shit again and a storm and cold snap are coming our way.  it was just starting to rain last night, so i did my nightly routine and got into bed early to continue reading a book i've really been into lately.  i pull the covers up and find a single, cushy thorlo running sock in my sheets (my fave)oooh, i think, i wonder where the other one is?  so i start crawling under my sheets and inspect around to find the missing counterpart.  not only do i finally find the missing partner, i also find THIS:

{i am apparently a sock hoarder.}

wtf?! i think, where the hell did all of these socks come from??  let me just say a couple of things: i'm always cold before i go to bed, so i always have to wear socks when i first get into bed.  i can't sleep with them on, so at some point before falling asleep i slide them off under the sheets.  this seems like a plausible explanation for finding six pairs of socks in my sheets, right?  wrong!  i just washed my sheets on tuesday night which means i'd only slept in my bed twice since i washed my sheets and there were definitely not six pairs of socks hiding in there.  i realized that in the middle of the night, instead of finding the pair i took off a couple of hours previous, i go to my sock drawer and just get another pair.  so in two nights time i managed to collect six pairs of socks in my sheets like an effing sock hoarder!  i guess we all have our things.

go check me out today at monique's surferwife's guide to a triathlon!!

monique is one of my really lazy friends.  she has two kids, a surfer husband, and a snarky ass mouth.  oh, and she happens to compete and be a badass in triathlons, too.  whatevs.  okay, she's kind of a big deal.  now, go!!  get yo'self on over there!!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

news you can use #7: country's status, pregnant man, octomom in bikini, cool shit, man with 44 lizards in his pants

state of da union.  the p.o.t.u.s. gave his state of the union address last night.  i have to ask, did you watch vice pres joe biden during the speech??  joe, with his flawless veneers and hair plugs, cracks me up.  i seriously can't help but love the guy for all the things he shouldn't be doing or saying in public.  he tried to clap at the weirdest, most awkward times, and he kept smiling at moments where you shouldn't have been smiling, and he kept playing with his tie.  he did have a great tie.

{"yo B!  B.O.!  you want me to do the jack nicholson impression now??  i can divert their attention away from our shitty economy!  now??  okay!"}

second pregnant man.  scott moore and his husband, thomas, were both born female and underwent sex changes.  scott's now expecting and is due with a baby boy next month.  don't believe me?  you think i'd lie to you?  you can read about it here.

{is it just me or does that teddy bear in the corner really freak you out??  oh, wait the teddy bear's the least of my worries in this picture... scott, on the left, looks like an overgrown baby.}

octomom in a bikini!  say whaaaaat?!?  yep, octomom herself is frolicking around in a bikini saying she did it all without surgery.  allegedly.  you know what i say to that: LIAR!  there is no freaking way she had eight babies all up in her pikachu canal stretching her out!  and she wants to say she DIDN'T have surgery?!?!??  if she's spittin' the truth, then she is seriously a freak of nature and i'm sorry for calling her a liar.

{octomom in all her octo glory.}

{octocrazy now.  all i gotta say is: IN.SANE.  where did all that extra skin go??}

{you think the paris-nicole debaucle was bad.  you ain't seen nothin' yet!  THIS is the ultimate smackdown!!}

cool shit that i wish i invented. 

{i could hide store so much shit!}

{problem with singing into you loofa now SOLVED.}

{it's about damn time.  there's an ipod deck for everything, everywhere in the house.  it's about time the bathroom stopped being the neglected room in the house.}

man caught with 44 lizards in his pants.  i really truly don't understand my fellow homo sapien species sometimes.  honestly.  a german man was at an airport in new zealand when he was caught hiding 44 geckos in a hand-sewn pouch concealed in his underwear.  (wtf???)  he was sentenced to prison in new zealand for stealing the country's protected species.  once again, don't believe me?  fact check me here.

{he's lucky he didn't have 44 of these in his underoos...}

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

i am a karate kicking badass and have a blog full of hearts

this award is all about recognizing friendships that have been made while blogging.  this is award is also about recognizing that you don't have to have a black belt in karate to really eff someone up.  i can give just about anyone a good ass whoopin' and i am no jet li.

hotpants at handbags and handguns clearly, finds me to be a master of the karate arts and an amazing bloggy friend.  and clearly, she is right.  i'm the one of the left.  the one in the nut hugging, banana hammock.  hotpants is the one with the tat and nicole richie eyeliner.  go check this woman out - she's a g when it comes to celebrity gossip and she loves vampires.  obvi, we're kindred spirits.

i've never been very good at following the rules, but i happen to like these rules.  therefore, (this one time) i will play along.
1. list 6 things you are a master in.
2. pass it on to 6 bloggers you think are masters at friendship and make blogging so awesome.

6 things of which i am effing awesome

1. sports.  you name it, i'll play it.  minus swimming; i won't be awesome at swimming.  i mean i can swim.  duh.  just not michael phelps fast.  like normal speed, i guess.  like i can probably swim as fast as michael phelps can walk through the water.  but most other sports, i'm game.  and chances are, i'll raise the stakes, put a bet on it, and i'll be out for blood.  too competitive?  wrong.

2. watching tv.  (hotpants is also awesome at this.)  seriously, i can watch tv like nobody's freakin' biznass.  day long marathons?  count me in, i'm there.  i will only move if i really have to pee.

3. baking banana bread.  i can't cook worth shit.  yes, i know how to read a cookbook, but it all seems so tedious, boring, and messy.  plus, i *think* i made myself sick after eating something i tried to make reading out of a cookbook.  BAKING, on the other hand, i put martha fields to shame with my baker extraordinaire skills.  i get to wear a super cute apron - a monogrammed cheetah and damask print, nonetheless.  my aunt from nola made it for me.  who dat?!

4. conducting background checks. i'm not kidding you, i can pretty much find out anything about anyone.

5. bitching and complaining.  my skills go unrivaled. 

6. school.  sounds lame, but i have always been awesome at school.  like kicked it's ass awesome.  i miss it.  i like kicking 's ass at things.

6 7 of my blogging bffs who i know would seriously kick someone's ass for me.  seriously, if you eff with me, you're messing with them.

1. monique @ a day in the life of a surferwife

2. jessalyn @ cape cod awesome

3. kiran @ masala chica

4. mayra @ life is bananas

5. aubrey @ made you blush

6. red dreads (aka - the HOTTEST red head i know)

7. liz @ it's unbeweavable!
(liz is having some AMAZING giveaways ALL week long so get yo'self on over there!)

this next award comes from kinsey michaels AND momma ra.  kinsey's a little sassy, a little outrageous, and has a love for heidi montag's shoe collection.  she's a west coast chick with a lot to say.  now about momma ra... have you seen this momma's insanely adorable, baby boy jackson???  the kids got looks other toddlers would kill for.  seriously, you need to go to her blog just to look at the adorable pics of her little boy.  stalkerish much??  of course not!  oh, and she's italian, like me, so what's not to love?!  thank you, ladies!!

i'm passing this on to four ladies whose blogs i adore and make my days full of hearts in my face:

summer @ b is for brown

ashley paige @ i love you more than carrots

erin @ the mother load

this last award comes from one of my newest stalkers, T at it's my moment to shine.  she also love THE ga.

it is with great honor that i bestow this award - gorgeous ladies of blogging - to my two favorite men who are such faithful lovers of my blog:

bathwater @ memento mori

maybe i'm just not avant garde enough...?

{mmm, i love a man in plastic bubble wrap.  it's important to always being "safe"!}

{i don't know what i love more - the clear, tinkerbell plastic wings or the red peter pan tights.}


{when life gives you lemons, make an effing jacket.}

{marshmallows in yo face!}

{i'm not the only one eating too many marshmallows these days...}

{lady gaga, is that you???}

{did kanye west's grandma knit these shades?  i think so.}

{just in case she gets hungry.  models get hungry, too you know.}

{maybe she's just really really cold.}

{i think this one's just too big for her.  maybe it would look good if they had one in her size...  i guess the outfit doesn't come with pants either.}

{for once, i don't even know what to say.  it would at least provide you with a lot of personal space.}

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

take me back tuesday: bikinis, skorts, and denim

it's tuesday which means another tuesday that you get to stalk old photos of me.  i know.  you're excited.  i get it.  if you're not, just lie to me and pretend like you look forward to tuesdays at flash.

{would ya take a look at those muscles??  i mean seriously, i was lookin' something fierce!  okay, okay, you're right - i got nothing.  in case you're not sure, i'm the one of the right.  the girl.  in the bikini looking thing.  the little scrawny kid in the yellow trunks is my cousin.  we are the same age, but i beat him at everything.  i think my competitive-ness started right when i came out of my mother's pikachu.  oh, and this pic is from either 1st or 2nd grade.  we were at the pool.  obvi.}

{well, i am from texas, you know.  regardless, i'm still not sure why i wore this shit.  i seriously hope it was "go texan" day, and i wasn't just wearing this for fun.  (we have those here in texas - "go texan day".  a whole day dedicated to all thing texas.  really.  i'm as serious as a freaking heart attack.)  and yes, that skort looking thing does have a slit in the front.  this is also from 1st or 2nd grade.}

{this was from 4th grade.  i think.  i don't know if you've seen, but denim like this is back.  i keep seeing it in all those emails the marketing whores at banana republic and j.crew keep emailing me.  i keep trying to tell you people i don't follow trends, i set them.  hence, the denim i'm rocking from the 90s.}

Monday, January 25, 2010

basketball, cockroaches, and a six month old meatloaf = my weekend

every friday night i go to my little brother's basketball game because i'm a good big sister.  this past friday, his teams lost by one single point, so it was a hard loss, but we all got over it in about 5 minutes.  partially because i was exhausted after his game and needed to respond to some work emails and partially because i'm just a lame ass, i headed home after his game.  i walked in my house to find this 3 inch long SATAN DEMON HELPER:

{after using half a can of scrubbing bubbles shower cleaner, i think i killed it.}

saturday night, my little brother and i went to the houston rockets basketball game with quasi-bf.  the rockets played the bulls and they lost and i cried but we still had a really good time and i think i got over that loss in 5 minutes, too.  i mainly had a really good time staring at other people.  i don't even try to hide the fact that i'm staring either.  seriously, large sporting events and gatherings are the best place to people watch.  it's kind of like airports, but even better because everyone's drinking so their true colors shine through.  drinking really brings out the stupid in people.  what i realized through my hours of people watching is that there are some REALLY weird people in my city.  like really weird.  i mean, i guess i'm weird to some extent, but i think i at least "look" normal and try to hide it sometimes.  these people didn't even try to hide their weirdness; they just let it all hang out.

the night consisted of the fifty year old drunk guy behind us telling my little brother at least twice a quarter how much he looked like "the werewolf dog kid from twilight."  to which i'd respond, "you watch twilight??  cool...?  me too."  he was obvi really cool in my book.  since i know y'all all like pictures, i'll show you one.

{little brother LOVED those noise maker things you'd bang together to distract the other team from making their free throws.  he loved them so much, he asked me if we could "sneak them out."  and i was all like "ummm, yeah, dude.  they're FREE."  and he said "no way!  that's awesome!!"  he's very easily entertained; i guess it's the little things in life...}

so after "sneaking out" the noice maker things, it was time to make our way home back through downtown.  this conversation took place on the way home, which happen to take three times the time it should have because quasi-bf insisted that "jazzy" - his bitch on his GPS - would get us around traffic and we'd get home faster... needless to say, she took us all over the effing city.  he says she senses when i'm in his car and does it just to piss me off.  anyways, we're all arguing over stats on one of the players, and i'm trying to tell them I'M right (because i am 98.9% of the time)...

quasi-bf: what's it like being perfect?

me: {smirking because he finally gets it} it feels good.  how does it feel to be a douchebag?

quasi-bf: stinky!  very very stinky!

little brother: y'all are seriously messed up...

we finally make it home, and i walk in and see THIS.  AGAIN!  SPAWN OF SATAN DEVIL HELPER BACK FROM THE DEAD!!

{it might have been a different one from friday night, but i swear they looked exactly the same.}

sunday was an absolutely gorgeous day.  finally.  we've needed something other than damp, cold rain.  my little bro stayed the night with me after the rockets game, so i had to drag him off my couch early sunday morning to meet my family at church.  after church i knew i had to take advantage of the nice weather.  i hadn't gone for a good run in forever because the weather's been so crappy and my asthma's worse in cold weather, so i decided today would be a good day to ease back into it a do a 6 mile.  i just got a new running belt to hold all of my shit in case of emergency, running shoes, and some cute running clothes, so i was ready to use them.  cute clothes and new shoes are the point of running, right?  exactly.  anyways, i decided i would warm-up for a mile with a walk/jog and take my little meatloaf.  she was so stoked and actually did pretty well on the leash.  minus the whole sniffing another dog's butthole.  this is my little meatloaf after our short mile warm-up.  she couldn't hack it with me, and i'm pretty sure i'm not going to make a running partner out of her.

* sidenote about the satanic cockroaches: i was so freaked out about seeing two devil helpers two nights in a row, i did some research to figure out what was making them come in my home.  i discovered that temperature and climate changes often make them (them = satan helpers) enter homes.  you can guaran-damn-tee i will be duct taping any crevices that they would be able to get in to and calling someone to spray using green chemicals, if they make such a thing.

Friday, January 22, 2010

"touching wires causes instant death"

happy friday, lovers!  i've taken the day off today to get some necessary things done (i.e. - get car detailed, go shopping, get facial, mani, pedi, and chubaca eyebrows waxed, go shopping again, take my meatloaf running with me).  you know, the usual.  hope you all have an awesome day and an even more fabulous weekend!  xoxo

{i wasn't even considering it...??}

{no, shit??!?}

{call me crazy, but for some reason i'm less concerned about the $200 fine here...}


{reminds me of this past winter and all my northern friends.}

{this sign = my kitchen}

Thursday, January 21, 2010

news you can use #6: a new hottie politician, a disney star messing with my movie, hong kong, dangerous hot sauce, vamps, pee, and my little nugget

wow.  yesterday's post and the comments that ensued were quite the doozy.  i want to say a HUGE HUGE thank you to all of you who came to cheer me on against that hateful commenter.  i know many of us have had the distinct pleasure of receiving some pretty shitty comments from ugly haters, so i wanted to make sure you all know how much your comments really mean to me.  (if you're just tuning in and don't know what the eff i'm talking about, read yesterday's post, paying particular attention to the comments...)  **UPDATE: hateful commenter has graced us with her presence yet again today on this post and has made a couple super nice comments.  i appreciate the time you're spending on me, my blog, and my AWESOME followers today.**

okay, enough of that.  on to the gooooood stuff.  you all know what today is.  it's time for a new edition of news you can use!  i know, i know you're all super excited, but seriously keep your panties on.  i don't want to be seeing any of your pikachus or peiners.

scott brown wins massachusetts open senate seat.  scott brown (aka - political hottie mchotterson) has won the open senate seat in the state of massachusetts.  (one of the members of the trifecta happens to live in this great state.)  for those of you who refuse to follow politics or read a newspaper, this senate race was to fill ted kennedy's seat.  this is a big deal because it's the first republican senator elected in that state in thirty years.  pres. obama's state of the union address next week is gonna be interesting.  part of me is wondering if he's going to come out and be all like: americans, i hate to break it to you, but this is efffffed up!  (he backed scott brown's opponent, democrat martha coakley.)

{not a bad lookin' politician, if i do say so myself.}

zac efron looking to play a role in the hangover 2.  whaaaaaaat??  noooo!!  say it ain't so, hangover casting crew.  the last thing i need is for disney's high school musical 1, 2, and 3's star to show up in one of my absolute faves.  really, zac, stay away from my hangover.

{zac's on the far right.  i know this because i have an 11 year old sister obsessed with disney.}

{hmmmm, zac looks like he's grown up a little since his high school musical days...}

hong kong fashion week.  here are some particularly interesting pieces i thought you would enjoy.  please wear them this weekend and let me know how is goes.

{christian lou-what???  move over, louby, these goodies by guo pei will be the latest rage.  seriously, though, can you imagine walking in these bad boys??  good luck with that.  i'd for sure snap an ankle.  MODG, maybe you can get kim k. to send you these??}

{apparently hong kong heard all the americans bitching about how cold this last winter has been and ningbo greenland costume industrial co., ltd. has responded.  kind of reminds me of all the marshmallows i eat.  i presume - if i could see my insides - they would look something like this.}

 {i would totes wear this.  i like my "personal space," you see, and this seems to be the appropriate amount.  thanks, guo pei.}

{lee wai ling, can i have this whole get-up sans the ruffles?  thanks.}

{this bitch means business.  maybe it's just me, but this handgun isn't exactly "concealed.  baldwin pui, you're not really fooling anyone.}

{i can't help but think of some really nasty things when i look at this creation by fan chun pang... or maybe it just looks like elmer's glue?}

eight teens end up in hospital after drinking hot sauce.  you may have seen this article here, but check this out: "officials in germany say eight teenagers were hospitalized after a test of courage in which they drank chili sauce more than 200 times hotter than typical tabasco sauce. (wtf were they thinking??)  the red cross in the southern city of augsburg says that 10 boys, aged 13 and 14, drank the sauce wednesday morning, apparently in school. [...]  the red cross said that on the scoville scale, which measures the hotness of sauce, the sauce measured 535,000 — compared to 2,500 for normal tabasco sauce."  if you're thinking, wtf??!? you're not alone, that was my first thought, too.

i will be cheating on edward cullen tonight at 7:00 p.m. CST.  blasphemous, i know.  please withhold your judgments.  i can't help it, though.  vampire diaries starts back up tonight, and (i'm ashamed to say) after watching a marathon of it about a month ago, i'm kind of interested to see what happens.

i make surferwife want to pee her pants.   monique is a member of the very coveted trifecta, so this award means more to me than anyone can ever know.  she has a snarky ass mouth, and is funny as all get up so if i make her want to pee her pants, you know i'm just that good.

my little nugget will be going obedience school.  her selective hearing is worse than her mommy's and SHE.REFUSES.TO.LISTEN.TO.ME.