the most important tidbit of news you will hear all week

go read and watch this now.

and then come back and tell me what you're going to do about it.

you would know what this was if you went to the link i told you to go to.  follow instructions.

FINALLY news you can use #21: the best thing that happens every four years - the WORLD CUP, yo

because i'm getting ready to leave you all for SO long (a whole week!!! ::gasps fill the blogosphere::), i thought it was only fair for me to show you my love by providing you with some very important news you can use!  

by now, you've probably forgotten what that even is, so let me remind you: some of you don't have time to or choose not to keep yourself in the know about important events.  no need to fear, in each edition of news you can use! i supply you with only the very best weekly news.  this news includes - but is not limited to - such important things as: world news, famies news, movie news, reality tv news, interesting and weird happenings news, things i happen to find important or freakishly cool news, and my news (aka - what's going on in my life news). i know. all really exciting stuff.  so sit back, grab a grande skinny vanilla soy latte or a bottle of wine and know you are will be more informed after reading this.  

please know that this week's edition is going to be a little different; really, the only news you can use! right now revolves around the world cup.  and of course, the most gorgeous world cup players.  i'll give a little background and some facts on the players and teams, though i'm sure hutch will be the only one who actually reads that.  the rest of you will just be looking, jaw-dropped and the pictures.  (and by the way, i'm half italian and half swiss; clearly, the italians take the cake on this whole contest.)

name: cristiano ronaldo

country: portugal

position: striker

cool facts: not only is he gorgeous, but he's an amazing player - he's the high paid footballer (soccer, for you americans) in the world.  and he looks amazing in armani underwear.  i'm sorry i can't say that is due to personal experience.

why we love him:not only is he gorgeous, but he's pretty amazing.  i don't particularly like his dating choices, but that doesn't change the fact that i like looking at him.

name: diego forlan

country: uruguay

position: striker

name: freddie ljungberg

country: sweden

position: goalkeeper

why we love him: he's swedish. he models underwear. he's athletic. he has his own blog. yep, he's got everything on our boyfriend checklist. and if he tastes anything like swedish fish, then i'm sure he's delicious.

name: fabio cannavaro

country: italy

position: defense (center back)

cool facts: he's the captain of the italian national team and won the FIFA world player of the year back in the 2006 world cup. 

why we love him: hellllllllo.  he name is freaking FABIO.  and look at him!  do i really need to elaborate????  didn't think so.

 name: carlos bocanegra

country: usa

position: defense (center back or left back)

why we love him: he's sort of kind of adorably cute.

name: yoann gourcuff

country: france

position: midfielder

why we love him: he's a bit of a newbie, but he's dang good.

have a good day.

you're welcome.

p.s. i recently joined a really sweet gym and signed up for some personal training sessions.  i'm planning to do a lot of intense cardio kickboxing courses as well as some MMA (mixed martial arts) training techniques.  my first class was last night and i can barely lift my arms today.  i'm considering taking a page out of shandal's book and posting some before and after type pics.  the thing is, i'm not sure how much my body is really going to change, at least in terms of weight.  i'm not looking to lose any weight, i'm just looking to get ripped (haha!) and really toned.  'm not doing p90x or any type of video training, so i'm wondering if i posted before and after pics would just be lame.  what do y'all think??  yea or nay??

news you can use #20: it IS possible to have your eyelashes burned off by a flaming hot oven; VS models forced me to buy five swimsuits; and the unveiling of quasi

today's news you can use! is going to be a bit different.  you can thank my insane schedule for that one.  my day involves back to back to back to back meetings, so i'm actually posting this from my phone.  (whoever doubts my love for you should be feeling ashamed right about now!)  anyways, there are some important unimportant things i feel like you should know:

1. it IS possible to have your eyelashes burned off by sticking your head in a 450 degree oven.  i did it last night, and yes i am serious.  

so you know how i like to bake, right?  seeing as though i'm allergic to 90% of packaged goods, i experiment with various recipes to make something yummy and delicious and full of sugar.  well last night, i decided to make some "cinnamon-oatmeal-whole-grain-banana-muffins."  (they are delish, p.s.)  well, this being an experiment, i continually checked on them.  (i treat muffin making very seriously.)  

(here i am baking in my kitchen.)

apparently, i must have stuck my head or face too far in because this great rush of flaming hot heat seared my face, burning off half the length of my eyelashes.  i don't have a picture because i didn't take one.  i was too busy crying.  i three-way called my mom and quasi to determine if 911 would accept "burned eyelashes" as a legitimate emergency.  they both said "NO."  

suffice if to say, my left eyelashes are now shorter than my right eyelashes by a considerable amount.  fortunately, i have decently long ones to begin with.

2.quasi and i are planning a quick getaway weekend soon, so i order not one, not two, but five swimsuits from victoria's secret.  i'm not even kidding you, those VS swimsuit models are always trying to convince me that if i buy their swimsuits, i, too, will look like them while wearing them.  i'm not sure if they take into account the 6 muffins i ate for breakfast or the 4 fajitas i had at lunch.

(i got all five of these swimsuits.)

3. the post about my DIY project, a panic attack, and the unveiling of quasi's identity is coming very very soon.  just not over here.  it's being debuted somewhere else.  (i'll give you a hint - it's going to be posted next tuesday a.m. so get stoked and mark your calendars accordingly.)

news you can use #19: acrophobia, bulls in texas, spongebob apparently can save your life, and a giveaway

have you missed news you can use! ??  don't answer that.  or do answer that and just lie to me and say you have because i'm pretty sure it's missed you guys.

man conquers fear of heights by living on roof.  a vermont businessman hoping to raise awareness about child abuse spent four days living on the roof of his business.  he ended up raising about $4,000.  not too shabby.  though, i must say - i'm pretty darn acrophobic and camping out on the roof of something sounds fun to me.  and if his office building was only a few stories high, i'm not impressed.  what would have been more impressive is if he would have slept face down on this:

this isn't my cup of tea.

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arlington, tx police shoot bull on loose on interstate.  for you non-texans out there, arlington is a suburb city outside of dallas.  (surely you've heard of the dallas cowboys??)  the bull was apparently jumping back and forth from the eastbound to the westbound lanes.  why is this so stereotypically texas??

"home, home on the range, where the deer and the antelope play..."

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preteen: "spongebob taught me how to save a life."  okay, so i don't know whether to be scared for the future of our youth, or totally impressed with spongebob in all his squarepants glory.  according to the article, "miriam and her best friend, allyson, were in music class when allyson began choking on her gum.  allyson turned red and started kicking her legs.  miriam says she remembered an episode from the nickelodeon animated series in which squidward gets a clarinet lodged in his throat and spongebob does the heimlich maneuver.  she tried it on allyson.  the gum flew out, and allyson caught her breath."  weird?  cool?  quasi likes spongebob, so i hope he saw this episode.

he always looks a little strung out to me, no?

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giveaway.  i will probably kick myself for doing this, but a suburban housewife-in-training is having an amazing diamond earring giveaway, compliments of kohl's.  yep, the same kohl's that now has LC's clothing line.  even if you don't like diamonds (ha!), head over to H.I.T.'s blog and congratulate her on her precious new baby girl!

these are really ugly.  you don't want them.  don't enter.  plus, you know i really deserve them.

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news you can use #18: breaking benjamin, no more salt, bulldoggies, don't drink and drive a lazy boy, vlog help, and ipads

breaking benjamins. the u.s. treasury and federal reserve officials unveil the new currency to start circulation in february 2011. supposedly the new design will help to thwart counterfeiters. looks a little like the euro to me.

FDA asked to force food industry to cut back on salt. do you have any idea how much this would change my life?? i LOVE salt. (and not just salt from salt says, either!) for years i thought i had some sort of disease that made me crave salt. (hypochondria?) whatever it is it must be the same disease that makes me crave sugar.

bullydoggies. for all of you bulldog lovers out there, this one is for you. the beautiful bulldog contest in des moines, iowa:

don't drink and drive a recliner chair. remember this story back from october 2009 where a man in deluth, minnesota was arrested and given a DUI for being drunk while driving a lazy boy recliner chair?? i didn't remember it either, but apparently this chair was auctioned off for $3,700. the recliner has all of the modern conveniences: it is powered by a lawnmower engine and comes equipped with a stereo, cup holders and a magazine rack. CLASSY!!

vlog help!! so i recorded a vlog for you guys last night but don't have a clue as to how to post it. i went to the trusty internet and got these useless instructions:

1. click the film strip icon on the post editor toolbar.
2. in the popup window, click "browse" to find the video on your computer.
3. enter a title for your video.
4. agree to the terms and conditions (if this is your first video upload).
5. click "upload video."

one huge problem - these instructions were useless because i have no "upload video" icon on my blogger editor! wtf. do i have a messed up blogger account?! am i the only one without this "upload video" icon?? my other option would be to post it to youtube and then upload it from there, but i'd really rather not do that. i don't even have a youtube account and i don't really intend on making one. any suggestions?! please help!

i don't have the icon below boxed in red!!

*UPDATE: thanks to THE stephanie and bathwater, i've figured it out!! i have to use the OLD blogger editor to add the video. that doesn't seem to make much sense, blogger...*

iPad. oh, yeah. and i got an iPad last night. well, technically quasi got us one, which really means it's mine. but i will share. we'll see how cool this bad boy is.

news you can use #17: teenagers, a hated man, women's one true love, craptastic engagement, and a bestie's birthday

(idiot) teen accuses accuses mom of facebook harassment.  teenagers can really be little shits sometimes, i swear.  apparently some 16 year old little twit from arkansas filed a harassment complaint at a local courthouse when his mom shut him out of his facebook account after she read he had driven 95 mph.  according to the mother, many of her son’s postings didn’t reflect well on him, so after he failed to log off the social networking site one day last month, she posted her own items on his account and changed his password to keep him from using it again.  "the things he was posting in facebook would make any decent parent’s eyes pop out and his jaw drop," the mother said said.  "he had been warned before about things he had been posting."  i'm pretty sure i'm going to give my kids to my mother when they hit their teenage years.  you think i'm joking.  just wait.

shake them haters off?  that phrase is typically told to people who don't really deserve negative press, but this doesn't really seem to apply in j.j.'s situation because he is being hated on for good reason.  jesse james is the most hated man in america.  i'm sure this comes as no surprise to any of you, but i still felt compelled to let my readers know.

my true love throughout history.  i think it's safe to say, ladies that we all lust after the same love: shoes.  namely, high heels.  men, you know this.  there's not many women who don't love shoes.  that being said, let me share with you my one true love throughout history.  these pics show me how far our love has come and just how long women have been wearing heels.  some of these bad boys are from the 15th century.

 

a craptastic engagement.  lindsay lohan's pop, michael lohan, is now engaged to kate major.  don't know kate major?  well, she's jon gosselin's ex-girlfriend.  not-so-surprisingly, lindsey is quoted as saying this engagement makes her want to vom.  quite frankly, i couldn't care less.

{what a perfect couple}

a very special birthday.  one of my real life best friends, sara, is celebrating her birthday this weekend!!  she's been a bestie since our college soccer days, and after dozens of roadtrips and shared hotel rooms later, she's still a bestest!  (gaahhh, that hotel comment sounded weird, but you get my point.)  as an athlete, i think the bonds created with friends and teammates is really unique and tight.  not only is sara one of my best friends, she was an amazing teammate and stood ready to kick anyone's ass who messed with me on the field.  that's the benefit of being a part of a team, you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us.

  happy birthday, sara ann!!  i love you!!