Thursday, January 14, 2010

news you can use #5: blue people, a plant that smells like dead people, cane fu, a brit, and the michelin woman



welcome all my new cyber friends!  (yes, i did just use that word because i'm so 1999.)  for those of you newbies, we do a little thing called news you can use! over here at (flash) pasteurized.  some of you don't have time to or choose not to keep yourself in the know about important events.  no need to fear, in each edition of news you can use!  i supply you with your daily or weekly news.  this news includes but is not limited to such important things as: world news, hollywood news, movie news, reality tv news, interesting and weird happenings news, things i happen to find important or freakishly cool news, and my news (aka - what's going on in my life news).  i know.  all really exciting shit.

the vatican attacks the movie avatar.  head hauncho catholic church officials give the movie two thumbs down saying the film promotes "the worship of nature."  one vatican spokesman says the film turns nature into a new divinity.  for those of you who haven't seen avatar, don't worry, i didn't ruin it for you.  and while i'm not really into fantasy, sci-fi things, or blue people, this was a pretty good flick and very well done.  predictable, for sure, but still well made.  just make sure you go to the bathroom before it starts and don't drink anything during the film.  it's three hours long.  like titanic long.  james cameron apparently loves the long ones.

{i'm blue da do dee da do da...}

corpse flower will soon hit milwaukee museum.  yes, you read that right - a flower that smells like rotting dead people will be on display for people to look at and smell.  (since MODG just loves smells, i know she of all people will totes love this!)  when i first read that i was seriously like WTF??  technically called the titum arum plant, this corpse flower is nearly 7 feet tall and smells of rotting flesh.  for those of you who are familiar with that scent, my apologies.  what the eff do you do that you are familiar with that scent??  the closest i know of that smell is when i burned my forearm with my chi or leaned to far over a candle and singed my hair.  other than that, i got nothing.  unless you live in the rainforests of sumatra (an island off the coast of indonesia, not to be confused with kama sutra), i wouldn't worry about this little beauty popping up in your neighbor's front yard.

{i hear bath and body works will be coming out with a new fragrance.}

everyone was cane fu fighting!  hoo!  hah!  watch out bingo, you will soon be replaced with cane fu self-defense!  this is no joke people.  i am as serious as miley cyrus is about making clothes for wal-mart.  thanks to cane fu, little old ladies will be able to withstand attacks and go apeshit on your ass if provoked.


simon cowell is leaving american idol.  this season will be the last season we will ever have to see that awful brit's haircut and v-neck white tees.  honestly, i don't watch american idol, so it doesn't have any sort of significant impact on my life.  it may, however, impact your life, my dear reader.  which is why i included it.  see, i'm generous.

{i swear, if he pulled that shit with me, i'd cut the man.}


me and my miniature marshmallows.  i seriously cannot get enough of their puffy goodness these days.  it's weird.  i've been consuming half a large bag of kraft jet puffed miniature marshmallows everyday for the past couple of weeks.  i never really even used to like marshmallows and now i can't get enough.  my insides feel like they're turning into a giant puff ball.  the good news is, it's a fat free guilty pleasure.  whatevs about the 29g of sugar per serving.  it does have less than a gram of protein so i figure with the vast amounts i've been consuming, there's bound to be some protein in there somewhere...






35 comments:

Masala Chica said...

ok that freaky plant is skeeving me out. i don't want to have anything to do with it and I don't want to know what rotting flesh smells like.

thank you very much.

as for avatar - i have yet to see it. I don't understand what is wrong with loving the planet we have - i don't know if that is worship - but i have yet to see the movie.

i don't want to piss anybody off with my opinion on the edicts of the vatican so I will just stop now. otherwise you might throw rotting flesh smelling flowers at me.
kiran

Martinis or Diaper Genies? said...

do you believe, I actually knew about that stupid death smell flower? I have no idea why. One of those stupid things my brain retains, like math.

At least I'm skinny said...

I do happen to know what dead people smell like and I would not want to voluntarily subject myself to a dead people flower.

Actually, I probably would just to see if it really did smell like a dead person.

Laura@Cowboy Boots said...

hey...i don't need no stinkin fox news ...i got you every thurs! ha ha
as for the flower...hmmm i may be morbid but i've always wondered what dead ppl smell like!

Cathy said...

Thanks for the news. Now, this corpse flower has always intrigued me and I'm super bummed I'm not going to be in Milwaukee when it's blooming. I might tell my MIL she has to go see it for me.

Be careful with those marshmallows....that much refined sugar is not good for the weight management.

Sole Matters said...

a flower that smells like rotting dead people?!?!?! on display?? WTF?

Meagan@Megs7827 said...

I'm with Laura. You know on svu (your fave) or csi when you know someone dead will be appearing soon because they smell it. I've kind of always wondered what it smells like. So I would way rather smell a flower that smells like death than a dead body. Love that picture of Simon. Since there hasn't been anything to make my dvr stop recording idol I have been watching it. Kind of excited for Ellen. Going to be ultra lame though without Simon next year I think.

Lindsey said...

haha love this post! My first time seeing your 'in the news' it's awesome!!

ps. LOVE marshmellows!! best snack :)

Bathwater said...

If you loose those beautiful arms by eating all those marshmallows I'll never speak to you again! Marshmallows really? Really? ;)

Rasha said...

marshmellow man is funny.

♥Aubrey said...

Haha...i know someone's yard i'd like to plant that death flower :)- Lol

saltsays said...

Hi! I'm a new reader and I am just thrilled to bits about this post. This is all news that I can definitely use. Especially news about flowers that smell like dead people. Gross! I wonder if you have to be like all up on it to smell it or if it would waft down a hallway. I wonder if you can request them for a funeral.

I just purchased another bag of mini mallows on my shopping trip yesterday! I LOVE them.

Cee said...

I'm mad at the Vatican now...why couldn't they just leave avatar alone. Isn't there anything better they could be offering opinions on? I'm Catholic so maybe I should write a letter haha

hotpants™ said...

That plant scares me.

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

Alright. Avatar, meh. Stinky plants, Eww! Ninja geriatrics, Amazing! Simon news, Devastating. Meredith's marshmallow habit, kinda weird but intriguing.

Elizabeth Marie said...

Oh death flowers and marshmallows. Screw CNN. Seriously. This is why we have you. :) Love.

CurlyGirl Darc said...

lordy lordy, i've never met anyone else in the world who doesn't watch (or like!) american idol...everyone i know is obsessed with it! (which may be partly why i am not, haha) loved the news! :)

kirstyb said...

lol love this post x

Optimistic Pessimist said...

me thinks the pope feels threatened by mother nature!

Annie said...

a corpse flower...NASTY!!!!
thanks for all this news...very insightful!
enjoy your marshmallows! :)

jessalyn said...

manfriend has tried to tell me what a dead person smells like. i don't want any part of it. that's why i choose to be a bookkeeper and not a dead body handler.
also, simon...whatevs. i only watch the tryouts. and only if there is nothing else on. last night- ghost hunters won.
the only blue people i know about are the men in the group that squirt banana filling at their audience. (i happened to be in the front row and get it under my poncho.) i hope you know what i am talking about here or i am just going to look crazypants.

bananas. said...

k i'm catholic and the vatican really needs to shut up. i hate when people read into things too much. and ever since the news about dirty old priests came out, i think it's best that they stay quiet. plus i loved avatar so there!

and simon leaving is for the best. the show is over. i used to love it...was obsessed at one point but since i can't remember the names of the people who won after carrie underwood...i just don't think it matters anymore. plus i've got better things to watch like jersey shore!

Llama said...

Last night i was just asking my boyfriend how much longer he thinks this show is actually going to last...and then i hear that simon is leaving? even HE had enough!
go mini marshmallows!!

Candice said...

Is it wrong that I think Simon is kind of hot?

Shandal said...

I wanna see Avatar! That flower makes me think of the flower that Mr. Wilson grew in Denise the Menace. Ha!

Summer said...

Okay, the marshmallows??? Are you pregnant woman???

Christopher said...

Isn't God supposed to be everywhere, including nature?

ScoMan said...

Before I forget, and because I hear girls like compliments, you were complimented a few times this morning about the banner.. in fact, I was even accused of choosing you only because you're attractive.

Now onto what you talked about..

- If God didn't put nature there, who did?
- I want to smell a corpse flower, but it would probably make me throw up. Sure it's all fun and games when the blood is on TV, but my stomach is not very strong.
- I want to cane fu fight Simon Cowell (I didn't have much to say about them, so I just combined them)
- I'm not a fan of marshmallows. They're too soft and squishy.

JohnMichael said...

Hey meredith i like the blog. It's JohnMichael Leti's little brother. You probably also remember me when yals coed soccer team kicked our coed's team ass. I liked the DTR blogs.
I just dropped by to say hello. Take care

Kristin said...

How wonderful that you've come to see the goodness that is the marshmallow....Without them where would we be? I cannot imagine a life without s'mores!

Children of the 90s said...

I've heard of that death-scented flower too, it sounds disgusting. I can definitely relate about the marshmallows, too--if I buy a bag, I'm wholly addicted. Fluff is pretty amazing, too.

The Shabby Princess said...

Noooo desire to ever smell that flower--ick!

And obviously you're balancing out the sugar in the marshmallows with the protein--it's all about priorities--and in my mind, sugar sometimes just has to win :)

Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic said...

I figured Avatar was just going to be more of a tree hugging, save the rain forest type movie... I didn't think it would make me go all "Nature Worshiper" good thing I haven't seen it.

And ick - who wants to smell rotting flesh in the form of a flower... they should call it a zombie blossom not a corpse flower :)

Nomad said...

the vatican would say that, but they worship the saints, mary, and little boys when j-man is the one where the focus should be. with that being said i need to go plug my hair back into a tree.

smelly flower- awesome, i may have to check that out...

simon leaving- i havent watched in years, but i imagine with him gone it will lose most of its luster.

Carol {Everyday Delights} said...

I just saw Avatar this past week and I liked it too!