news you can use #5: blue people, a plant that smells like dead people, cane fu, a brit, and the michelin woman

welcome all my new cyber friends!  (yes, i did just use that word because i'm so 1999.)  for those of you newbies, we do a little thing called news you can use! over here at (flash) pasteurized.  some of you don't have time to or choose not to keep yourself in the know about important events.  no need to fear, in each edition of news you can use!  i supply you with your daily or weekly news.  this news includes but is not limited to such important things as: world news, hollywood news, movie news, reality tv news, interesting and weird happenings news, things i happen to find important or freakishly cool news, and my news (aka - what's going on in my life news).  i know.  all really exciting shit.

the vatican attacks the movie avatar.  head hauncho catholic church officials give the movie two thumbs down saying the film promotes "the worship of nature."  one vatican spokesman says the film turns nature into a new divinity.  for those of you who haven't seen avatar, don't worry, i didn't ruin it for you.  and while i'm not really into fantasy, sci-fi things, or blue people, this was a pretty good flick and very well done.  predictable, for sure, but still well made.  just make sure you go to the bathroom before it starts and don't drink anything during the film.  it's three hours long.  like titanic long.  james cameron apparently loves the long ones.

{i'm blue da do dee da do da...}

corpse flower will soon hit milwaukee museum.  yes, you read that right - a flower that smells like rotting dead people will be on display for people to look at and smell.  (since MODG just loves smells, i know she of all people will totes love this!)  when i first read that i was seriously like WTF??  technically called the titum arum plant, this corpse flower is nearly 7 feet tall and smells of rotting flesh.  for those of you who are familiar with that scent, my apologies.  what the eff do you do that you are familiar with that scent??  the closest i know of that smell is when i burned my forearm with my chi or leaned to far over a candle and singed my hair.  other than that, i got nothing.  unless you live in the rainforests of sumatra (an island off the coast of indonesia, not to be confused with kama sutra), i wouldn't worry about this little beauty popping up in your neighbor's front yard.

{i hear bath and body works will be coming out with a new fragrance.}

everyone was cane fu fighting!  hoo!  hah!  watch out bingo, you will soon be replaced with cane fu self-defense!  this is no joke people.  i am as serious as miley cyrus is about making clothes for wal-mart.  thanks to cane fu, little old ladies will be able to withstand attacks and go apeshit on your ass if provoked.

simon cowell is leaving american idol.  this season will be the last season we will ever have to see that awful brit's haircut and v-neck white tees.  honestly, i don't watch american idol, so it doesn't have any sort of significant impact on my life.  it may, however, impact your life, my dear reader.  which is why i included it.  see, i'm generous.

{i swear, if he pulled that shit with me, i'd cut the man.}

me and my miniature marshmallows.  i seriously cannot get enough of their puffy goodness these days.  it's weird.  i've been consuming half a large bag of kraft jet puffed miniature marshmallows everyday for the past couple of weeks.  i never really even used to like marshmallows and now i can't get enough.  my insides feel like they're turning into a giant puff ball.  the good news is, it's a fat free guilty pleasure.  whatevs about the 29g of sugar per serving.  it does have less than a gram of protein so i figure with the vast amounts i've been consuming, there's bound to be some protein in there somewhere...