news you can use #7: country's status, pregnant man, octomom in bikini, cool shit, man with 44 lizards in his pants

state of da union.  the p.o.t.u.s. gave his state of the union address last night.  i have to ask, did you watch vice pres joe biden during the speech??  joe, with his flawless veneers and hair plugs, cracks me up.  i seriously can't help but love the guy for all the things he shouldn't be doing or saying in public.  he tried to clap at the weirdest, most awkward times, and he kept smiling at moments where you shouldn't have been smiling, and he kept playing with his tie.  he did have a great tie.

{"yo B!  B.O.!  you want me to do the jack nicholson impression now??  i can divert their attention away from our shitty economy!  now??  okay!"}

second pregnant man.  scott moore and his husband, thomas, were both born female and underwent sex changes.  scott's now expecting and is due with a baby boy next month.  don't believe me?  you think i'd lie to you?  you can read about it here.

{is it just me or does that teddy bear in the corner really freak you out??  oh, wait the teddy bear's the least of my worries in this picture... scott, on the left, looks like an overgrown baby.}

octomom in a bikini!  say whaaaaat?!?  yep, octomom herself is frolicking around in a bikini saying she did it all without surgery.  allegedly.  you know what i say to that: LIAR!  there is no freaking way she had eight babies all up in her pikachu canal stretching her out!  and she wants to say she DIDN'T have surgery?!?!??  if she's spittin' the truth, then she is seriously a freak of nature and i'm sorry for calling her a liar.

{octomom in all her octo glory.}

{octocrazy now.  all i gotta say is: IN.SANE.  where did all that extra skin go??}

{you think the paris-nicole debaucle was bad.  you ain't seen nothin' yet!  THIS is the ultimate smackdown!!}

cool shit that i wish i invented. 

{i could hide store so much shit!}

{problem with singing into you loofa now SOLVED.}

{it's about damn time.  there's an ipod deck for everything, everywhere in the house.  it's about time the bathroom stopped being the neglected room in the house.}

man caught with 44 lizards in his pants.  i really truly don't understand my fellow homo sapien species sometimes.  honestly.  a german man was at an airport in new zealand when he was caught hiding 44 geckos in a hand-sewn pouch concealed in his underwear.  (wtf???)  he was sentenced to prison in new zealand for stealing the country's protected species.  once again, don't believe me?  fact check me here.

{he's lucky he didn't have 44 of these in his underoos...}