Wednesday, February 24, 2010

-- UPDATED -- a letter: i'm on to you, girl scouts of america

dear girl scouts of america:

don't think i don't know what you're up to.  i'm on to you and your plan to make me fat one daisy go-round and trefoil at a time.  i've already purchased 32 boxes of cookies from you brown and green vest-wearing people.  you heard me: THIRTY TWO.  i can prove it by taking a picture of my hall closet for you.  that's right, i said my hall closet.  right next to my ironing board, an exercise ball i never use, and a couple of "buns of steel" circa 1988 workout videos.  do you know why i have your awfully delicious cookies in my hall closet??  because I HAVE NO ROOM IN MY PANTRY.  that's why.  you people are enablers who are interfering with my daily nutritional needs.
 
 {well isn't this just the most PC photo op ever.}

like i said i have THIRTY TWO boxes.  i tell you people this every single day when i go into the grocery store.  there's like 53 of you, all no taller than chuy on chelsea lately, grabbing at my waist begging me to "support your troop!" and buy yet another box of regrettable goodness.  well, you know what ladies??  i've had it!  i've had it with you making me fat just in time for swimsuit season.  you get me on the way in AND then again on the way out.  i know you remember me scream "NO!!" at you the first time.  and you should know that "no" means "no!"  wouldn't want to have a lawsuit on your hands like kobe did, now do you??  that would taint the name of girl scouts of america in a hot minute.

so please, for the love of toned thighs, six-pack abs, and my desire to look like alessandra ambrosio, please leave me alone.


i'm almost out of trefoils, p.s.  you know where i live and i think you still have my credit card number.

love and girl scouts honor,
meredith

---
sidenote #1: a few of you have asked how i'm able to eat these with my food allergies.  i can't eat all of them, (i.e. - the ones that contain milk and nuts), but i can eat the daisy go-rounds (the cinnamon-sugar ones).  i hear i'm missing out on all of the other flavors but whatev.  also, i'm gotten a lot of the little girl scout devel recipes and "modify" some of them to what i can eat. 

sidenote #2:  i don't eat all the boxes by myself!!!  i sent some boxes overseas to the troops in iraq and afghanistan and some to friends going to grad school in other countries and i keep some in my car to give to homeless people asking for food or money.

37 comments:

Morgan said...

THIRTY TWO! That is some cookie dedication.
I have my own beef with the G.S. I can't find one damn girl scout to buy cookies from?!?! Are they not in my area or something??

Stacy said...

I LIVE for the Tag-A-Longs, which they renamed Peanut Butter Patties. But then I discovered I can make them myself!!! See:

http://stacysaysblog.blogspot.com/2009/12/homemade-tag-longs.html

DDDDEEEEELLLLIIICCCIIIIOOOUUUUUSSSS!!!

But those Girl Scouts are most definitely evil. Of course, so are the cookie MAKERS! Little devils.

Cee said...

Wow! You can send me some of those 32 boxes...I havn't gotten any this year

The Only Girl said...

I would totally buy some of their cookies, but I haven't seen a Guide or a Brownie in years. Clearly they are all in your neighbourhood.

Stephanie Hartman said...

32 oh my that is so funny girl......I Love them my self I have 2 boxes in my desk lol...

Marian said...

Just can't quit those damn cookies. I love me some tag-a-longs...nom nom nom

jessalyn said...

warning: i am about to prove i have the maturity of a 10 year old boy. you said "taint" hahahaha

sorry. ok i have composed myself. i have not bought one box this year. not one. but that is probably because i ate like a million thin mints last year and the fat from those is still chilling in my mid section.

"Julie" said...

how are you not allergic!?

B-Dub said...

I feel your pain. And ya know whats worse? now you can buy girl scout cookie flavored ICE CREAM. Delish cookies combined with creamy goodness? Too much to handle.

Brittany said...

Haha, you're so funny :-) You sure do love cookies! My mom loves the thin mints and tag alongs. I'm glad I don't like girl scout cookies :-) I know, I'm probably one of the few. I perfer snickerdoodles from the Great Cookie at the mall lol.

Hope you can stay away from those girl scouts!
P.S - I used to be one back in the day ;-)

Shandal said...

I can't believe you can even eat those darn cookies?! Are you sure you're not allergic to something in them?? hehe ;) If not, can't you pretend? "Nope sorry little girl scout devil, I'm allergic."

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

Meredith used the word TAINT! Ahahaha! Point and laugh!

Just kidding. Not really.

We have a girl on our street that's in Jason's class that we buy from. So I use that when I see the girls at the store. Sorry, already have my own private girl scout!

That one girl said...

Oh, I'm soooo jealous! I'm assuming out of those 32 boxes, some have GOT to be tagalongs.

I have not seen a girl scout in years and holy crap, she would make a fortune off me right now.

Story time, yes? A wee girl scout made it to my hubbies work and he came home saying he bought girl scout cookies. I say, when someone brags, they don't mean one box. I waited for these things for WEEKS and when the big day arrived, he was carrying ONE box. ONE stingy box. A few days later, he asked where the box was. I said he was insane if he thought there were ever girl scout cookies in there. Of course I ate them all but that is what he gets when you bring home ONE box, am I right???

Christin said...

Holy moly, chick! I thought my 3 boxes were bad! If you don't want all of them, you should give them away to a homeless shelter or something in your area. I'm sure someone would love them :)

MCW said...

I have never seen a girl scout in NYC. Which is a good thing!

Valerie {Next to Heaven} said...

Haha! 32? Now that's crazy! I would do the same thing though lol. I have four boxes of thin mints waiting for me in my freezer for after lent.

Tara said...

I'm so glad you feel my pain! I was just lamenting that I am eating about 1,000 calories a day of GS cookies, but I'm not ready to cut back. I may show up on your doorstep looking to eat some of yours...

Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic said...

Best. Girl Scout. Supporter. EVER! Seriously I used to be a girl scout and I rarely buy them. I equal horrible girl scout girl!!!

Karls said...

I think you need to dress up like a junkie when you leave the house... that way they will stay well out of your way.

foxy said...

That is sooooooooooooooooooo nice of you to send some overseas to the troops. That is just part of why you rock so much.

Laura@Cowboy Boots said...

haha...
they never showed up over here...and i'm made...pregnant momma in need of cookies...those girls could have made a killing off me

Ams said...

I will NOT be angry if you send me some.
I repeat: I will NOT be angry! lol

Bathwater said...

1)You are no Jedi!

2)You throw boxes of cookies out of your car at homeless people that panhandle you! Sounds like some weird sport!

3)No one gets to see you in a swimsuit anyway so what is the difference.

SG said...

Good lord lady! I've never tried those, I'm a thin mints kinda girl. My fiance brought home two boxes but of course they were the two types that I HATE! Bastard!

Tracie said...

I whine about this to everyone but I'm known for being repetitive - I haven't seen one Girl Scout cookie pusher this year. And I'm still fat. Life is so unfair.

Ed said...

Girl Scout Cookies.....nomnomnomnom....mmmmmmm.

sHp said...

Can you sign my name to that letter, too? he he he Honestly, I can eat a half box by myself, and I feel I'm well on my way to a whole one! YIKES! ha ha ha ha

Erin said...

I love girl scout cookies, too, but I just forced myself to dump the last box down the drain. I couldn't just throw it in the trash b/c I *might* dig in the trash later, knowing the cookies were still clean/edible inside the box.

The disposal was the only way.

So sweet that you sent some overseas and give some to homeless people. I, too, give food instead of $$$ to people on the street. But usually I'm handing out granola bars or packs of peanut butter crackers.

Brown Girl said...

thin mints in the freezer are the devil. damn girl scouts, they do me in everytime!

Elizabeth Marie said...

Oh I totally agree with Brown Girl. LOVE THEM. But I dont know wtf is going on, I can't find any around here. Which is good and bad.

missss youu loverrrr

mommara said...

I love them and can not find them here either! So why don't you send those little chickens my way so I can score some Thin Mints and stick them in my freezer!

I have been gone but, am glad to be back to visit and get my giggle fix over here! Lovies.

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

Highly disappointed that there wasn't a sidenote about your new found taint knowledge.

ScoMan said...

Firstly, good use of the boxes supporting the troops, helping the homeless and supporting the girl scouts at the same time. Good deeds all round. Good on you.

Luckily we don't have children aggressively selling their product here, which is a good thing. I couldn't resist the urge to buy it.. and then I couldn't resist the urge to eat them all in one sitting.

OneCraftyFox said...

Wow! Such interesting news, the story about the woman is terrifying!!

Hope you won't be too overwhelmed at work. I didn't end up posing a flashback segment on my blog, but I did post one FUN picture :)

Amanda said...

Look at you being all kind to the troops and homeless! Your'e as nice as that badass cop on Policewomen of Broward Co. who gave her sandwich to the crazy homeless guy!

Seriously though, I hate how delicious their cookies are. My coworker and I ate a whole box of somoas the other day.

Allyson said...

I try to resist...but then 8 year old Girl Scout Allyson starts whining in my ear to support my sisterhood. And so I do. But I would be much more willing to do so if I wasn't tempted to eat all of them. 32 boxes would not survive more than a week in my house. Those boxes would have to go out ASAP. I am a Caramel Delight whore and I blame them for all of my high school fattyness. But can you really be a girl scout without the cookie badge? You gotta help a girl out...

Kristin said...

It is such a conspiracy to make us chubbers!