Tuesday, October 6, 2009

21st century: fueling germaphobia & hypochondria

i am already a self-admitted germaphobe.  i have found there are many others like me out there.  with all the public hand sanitizers and clorox/lysol wipes supplied in grocery stores, it's no wonder why germaphobe addictions continue to be fed.

apparantly the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.  so here it is, here i am taking the first step, here i am admitting i have a problem: i am a hypochondriac.
 i have reached this self-diagnosis from a myriad of experiences.  sometimes when i get a really bad headache or migraine, i'm convinced that it could only be one of three things: 1. at any moment i'm going to have a brain aneurism, 2. i have had a tumor that has been undetected for months, or 3. my brain is swelling rapidly and without quick action, i will surely die.  these headaches are typically accompanied with a quick phone call or text to my mom, and the conversations always take on the same kind of structure:

me: mom, i have a really bad headache.  i think there's something wrong with me.

mom: i agree.  there is something wrong with you.

me: no, really, i'm serious.  i think there is something physically wrong with my head.

mom: yeah, i know.  i'm serious, too.  i think there's something wrong in your head, too.

(she clearly does not understand the severity of the situation; i could die at any moment.)

when i feel even the slightest bit warm, i take my temperature.  when i have a sore throat, i inspect my tonsils with a flashlight for redness or infection.  when i have a really severe stomach ache, i make sure it's not on the side where my appendix is (because it could have ruptured, you know).

i think i've always had the tendencies necessary to become a hypochondriac, but it has most certainly been fueled thanks to web md, discovery health channel programming, and my favorite, house

i mean seriously, just now when i went to discovery health channel's website, the first thing that came up was this photo and caption:
what IS that skin lesion?  is it a simple spot or something DANGEROUS? and i think to myself, "well, sh*t, i don't know.  i thought it was just a paper cut, but now i can't really be certain!"

please let me know i'm not alone in my affliction.  isn't the best way to overcome a problem in a group??  okay, i'm going to drink some oj; someone in my office is coughing today and you can never have too much vitamin c to boost your immune system...


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