Friday, March 5, 2010

dear apolo ohno (i promise i'm not a creeper)

dear apolo ohno,

to get my mom off my back, i had to write you this open letter.  and i sort of kind of maybe secretly wanted to, too.  my mom is convinced we should meet.  and maybe date.  or at least go on a date.  i promise i'm not some creepy stalker fan.  (whether my mother is or not is entirely questionable.)  i mean i think you're pretty badass skating all wicked fast in your skin tight skating suit that resembles an ensemble of spiderman's, but that's not why i like you.  oh, and winning an unprecedented eight gold medals is not why i like you either, though that is insanely badass.  really i'm into your soul patch.  it's kind of hot.  okay, it's really hot, soul patches kind of do it for me, but that's also not why i like you.  and i hear you were pretty cool on dancing with the stars, though i have to be honest, i don't really watch that show.  sorry.  but i do know you won, so you've got to at least give me credit for that.  maybe we could go ice skating or something on our first (and potentially last) date.  i wear hockey skates, though, not figure skates or speed skates.  i hope that's okay.  and i'm not wicked fast, just fast enough to skate past all the five year olds clinging to their parents' legs.  oh, and i'm really competitive, so we could race if you wanted to, but you'd have to give me at least a two lap head-start.  ooooh, or i'm really good at rollerblading, so rollerblading is definitely an option.  i might even be a better 'blader than you.  we won't know 'til we try.

so here's the deal, i'm going to hit you up on twitter.  please don't block me.  i promise i'll only do it once a day and then i'll leave you alone.  maybe.  i just gave my mother my word that i'd do it, and i like to keep my word.  i love the woman, but she's relentless.  i'm sure you get tweeted, chirped, and peeped at all the time so i'll just be another one to add to the list.  quite frankly, i'm still not entirely sure how the hell twitter even works, so there's a very good chance you won't even see anything from me.  it'd be cool if you could holla back.  otherwise, my readers will think i'm a total loser and no one wants to feel like a loser.  thanks, polo.  i knew you were nice.  or at least i hope you are.  (fingers crossed)

hearts and tight spandex suits,
meredith

 
{they don't call me (flash) for nothing, yo.} 

p.s. readers, this is how i hit him up.  he's not responding.  sads. :(

43 comments:

Vic said...

Hahahah I love it. Meredith Ohno? I like the sound of that

Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic said...

This is too funny/cute! :) I agree with Vic it has a nice ring to it. And just think of all the little "Ohnoes" running around when you have kids! ;)

carrie1 said...

This is a great post! Kudos to your momma for harping on your ass about this.

And if he turns you down, he's not as cool as I thought he was! =)

Good luck... I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. =)

Rach said...

oh, MEREDITH. the soul patch? really!? anytime i see one i have an overwhelming urge to wipe the guy's face.

other than that, i dig it. ;)

Cathy said...

bwahaha. this is priceless. i hope he tweets you back(is that what the kids call it?). you guys would have some fast ass kids that's fo sho. plus he dances?! bonus points!

sHp said...

You crack me up!!!! Hope you're having a great day!

PS - I started following Jessica Simpson and Kim Kardashian on Twitter - my first celeb tweetletts! ha ha ha

B-Dub said...

Tee Hee! I go for the soul patch on him too. Other guys? Definite creep alarm. He pulls it off. And I am SUPER glad to know that I am not the only one who doesn't know all things Twitter!

Jennee said...

great letter! good luck with twitter and apolo :)

Corinne said...

I'm agreeing with you - yes please to the soul patch. but he's one in a million that looks good rockin' it (at least to me). i have a slight obsession with him, but now that the olympics are over I need to put it back in the closet.

The Only Girl said...

ha! I love the soul patch too. Make sure you post what, if anything, happens on Twitter. Maybe you can send him this link or something. Not sure - but how cool would it be if he commented!!!!

foxy said...

THE YAWNER! I love that guy!! Man, they get so low to the ground, they're almost parallel... it's impressive, i must say.

If he doesn't immediately ask you out, he's a bonehead. Nuff said.

Stacy said...

Did you see him on Jay Leno the other night? He's 2.3% body fat! INSANE!!!!!!!!!!

Patience said...

Haha! I love it. I hope he tweets you back and you two can go on your first date.

Jenny DB said...

bummer the twitter link is blocked (protected?) unless you're a follower. liked your note though. good stuff :)

hotpants™ said...

He's definitely hot. And, um, have you seen those thighs?

SaraPlaysHouse.com said...

Dude you gotta unblock your twitter. Otherwise, your future-boyfriend will never get your super special message!
P.S. I've tweeted to him no less than 5 times. That's right--I have NO SHAME.

Rasha said...

HAHAH

JUST ME said...

I always thought he was gay...

Maybe it was just the spandex.

Bathwater said...

There should be laws against creepy desperate stalkers like you, leave the poor man alone. He does not have time to nurture you fantasies-- and put that skate blade down. I'm calling my congressman and demanding a change!

ps. call me!

AuntBT said...

I can totally understand, my mom is obessed with Dirk as a match for me. Mainly because I'm half german, tall, and love basketball. That's the entire basis of this apparent match made in heaven. I feel your pain!! Although, he moves his hips quite nicely while dancing, so I say go for it ;)

MCW said...

Our mother's sound so similar!
Love your letter...

theminx said...

heh. He has 151,822 followers on Twitter. He hasn't responded to me, either, and I wasn't hitting on him. ;)

I am Trish Marie said...

If I twittered/tweeted/twattered (sorry, I don't know the appropriate terminology), I would harrass him on your behalf. In fact, I am thinking about caving to Twitterland just to do so....

bananas. said...

Does he like woman? I dunno...i'm just throwing it out there. Lol.

Kid is pretty amazing. Hope he reads your letter ;)

Lindsey said...

You are so funny!

That one girl said...

Okay, I think I'm the only one that got cocky bastard out of Apolo's interviews. People LOVE him but he rubs me the wrong way. I think you can do WAY better. I don't like it when he was all, "Yeah, I could of been all Hollywood and .." Okay, lets work on a different Olympic athlete. Let me think..

jessalyn said...

tweeting gets you everywhere. ask the surferwife. she gets all kinds of famouses from the tweets!

Brittany said...

Haha, you are too funny! I hope he tweets you back or whatever lingo they use on twitter :-)

Have a good weekend!!

ScoMan said...

Once you enter the Twitter domain it's only a matter of time before you start stalking celebrities.

One of them started stalking me back. She tweeted me like.. twice.. I mean really, the woman needs help. She's obsessed or something.

I didn't know who Apolo Ohno was. The only Apollo I knew was the space ship so it was weird when I thought you wanted to date it.

But I guess it does look kind of like a big vibrator.

Too far? Probably.

~KS said...

This letter is awesome... I so hope the stars align and you two get a chance to go on that date... and maybe a few more after that!!

Happy weekend to you!

And PS- he was INSANELY amazing on Dancing with the Stars!! Rarr!!

Ed said...

If he doesn't respond to that, then he is gayer than I thought.

Erin said...

I don't watch DWTS, either, but I do tweet. What is your twitter username? (I am @erinlynn76). I am in love w/ Mr. Ohno myself only I don't think my Husband would appreciate it if I started stalking him.

;-)
You are so cute! Love this!

myra said...

hahaha, i really hope he responds. i'm keeping my fingers crossed for you, Mer!

Ams said...

Haha SO cute... I can't believe he hasn't responded yet!

Classy in Philadelphia said...

I LOVE THIS! I seriously hope he tweets back at you!

OneCraftyFox said...

This is some serious awesomesauce.

Hope you're having a great weekend!

Amanda said...

He is SO badass! I hope you get that date. Maybe he's just so honored that he's trying to figure out how to best get to you.

I'm still trying to figure out how you linked that one single status.

Kristin said...

Surely he missed your tweet or he'd be hittin' you up in no time flat!

my name is lauren. said...

i hope he hits you up soon! you're lovely, so he should hop on that ASAP!

hope you had a good weekend!

{Lauren}

thelittlethingswedo.blogspot.com

JMay said...

This was hilarious!!! I sooooo love that I'm not the only one minoraly, ok majorly obsessed w/ Apollo :-)

Shandal said...

This is such a sweet letter. He doesn't even know what he's missing out on! My two sister in-laws are in love with him too. :)

Carol {Everyday Delights} said...

He lives in Seattle (where I live) so if I ever see him on the street - I'll pass him along to your blog! :) (And obviously ask for an autograph!)

sanjeet said...

. the soul patch? really!? anytime i see one i have an overwhelming urge to wipe the guy's face.
Work From Home