here's the deal. i'm going to cut to the chase. you are out to get me and i know it AND i don't like it.
EVERY SINGLE MORNING i drive into my parents' neighborhood to drop my fur baby off at her mimi's. i know you know this because you see me drive into the neighborhood EVERY SINGLE MORNING with a bat-eared fur nugget hanging out of my back window; and then you see me exit the neighborhood sans bat-eared nugget.
once you see my car coming you immediately stop traffic. and by "traffic," i really just mean you stand right in front of MY car shaking the stop sign and a flash light at me. (not to change the subject, but can i ask what's the deal with the flashlight?? it is daylight outside, you know.) you proceed to mean mug me for the next 20-30 seconds. i look around and, what do you know!? there are NO children waiting to cross the street. so why do you insist on making me stop and wait for 5 minutes?? the only explanation i can come up with is that you are out to get me. so we sit there staring at each other waiting for children to come and cross the street.
i realize holding up a fake stop sign and wearing a bright orange reflector vest is a big freaking deal. i get that. you take your job seriously. i take my job seriously, too. too bad my job doesn't involve a stop sign or a reflector vest. i'll have to talk to my clients about that. please don't think i'm trivializing your job, because i'm not. i take children's safety very seriously, and i'm glad to see that you obviously do, too.
i promise i'm not going to run any kids over. or their parents or their dogs who dart out in the middle of the street. (please tell the parents to put "fido" on a dang leash, by the way.)
anyways, point is, you are my entrance into the neighborhood and you are also my exit out of it, so can we please just be friends? no? okay, fine. then at the very least for the love of Jesus, mary, joseph, and all the twelve disciples, can you puhh-lease stop weilding that stop sign out in front of my car like a damn sword. you make me 10 minutes late to work nine out of ten mornings and i know you do it because you hate me.
i promise i will not run you over, but if this keeps up, we're going to have serious problems, woman.
love, reflector vests, and flashlights,