i don't know about you, but i've pretty much spent the past three days glued to my television screen watching the olympics. seriously. i'm obsessed. and as i've been watching, i've come to the conclusion that there are quite a few events in these winter games that i could never do. ever. besides the luge (duh, you've got to be seriously crazy or extremely fearless to thrust yourself 90mph across ice laying down), pairs figure skating is one event i could never see myself doing. there are a multitude of reasons why i could never be an ice skater, none of which involve the fact that i can't do a triple axle loop twirl thing.
the outfits. i hate itchy clothes, tights, unitards, things that go up my butt crack, or things that could potentially give me a camel toe. not only that but they seem prone to wardrobe malfunctions.
the MEN'S outfits. i know, i know - i'm sure there are plenty of heterosexual male figure skaters. plenty of heterosexual men willing and excited to put on a pair of sparkly, lacey unitard tights. i'm sorry, i just really cannot take a man seriously when he's wearing more glitter and frill than kleinfeld's on a open trunk day.
{i'm sorry, i can't take them seriously.}
lack of trust. i wouldn't trust my partner enough to let him do shit like this:
{seriously. if he dropped me on my face, i'm pretty sure he'd receive a swift, sure kick in between the legs with my skate blades.}
i weigh over 100 pounds. i don't know if you've noticed but all of these women weigh approximately 95 pounds or less. and have .00002% body fat.
i can't skate backwards.
tonya harding might come and try to hack my legs off. please tell me you remember this story.
i would beat my partner with my skate if he fell during a triple axle loop jump. after practicing for thousands and thousands of hours, i expect darn near perfection. if my partner failed to land a quadruple axle jump, and i nailed it (naturally), i would have a hard time not public flogging him with my ice skate. i didn't train for the olympics not to win!
{seriously?? i did not come all this way for you to make a fool of me in front of the world!}
i wear hockey skates when i go ice skating, not figure skates. i believe this would present somewhat of a problem.
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