olympic man and honest crap

i have meagan at  megs7827 for this olympian man award.  this award is timely as the winter olympics start on friday.  in canada.  where twilight eclipse was filmed.  just a little interesting factoid for you.  all my canadian lovers out there say "whaaaat!  whaaaat!" 

and ashley at raising brats (who is adorable and precious and has an army man hubby and three gorgeous rugrats and you should totally read her blog) is totally down with my honest scrap.  or is it honest crap?  i like honest crap better.  i just changed the name of the award.  the award-maker probably won't like that, but whatevs.  it suits me better for the crap i write is indeed honest.  like abe.  whose birthday is this friday, by the way.  and the olympics start on friday.  the syllogism and parallels of the post are amazing.

now i'm supposed to tell you interesting facts about me that you may not know.  some of you may know some or all of these, so just go with it.  if you know these already, pretend like you don't and act excited.  thanks.  i'm trying to kind of follow rules for once.

1. i could never be on a show like the bachelor and let me tell you why.  other than having to fight 25 other bitches to get to one single man who i probably really won't even like that much... the reason for this is because they are always drinking WINE.  have you noticed that??  like every single date revolves around wine.  so i'd be sitting out there like a total outcast and probably get kicked off the show.  i've never had a glass of wine in my life, yet i own lots of wine glasses.  even the trendy stemless ones that impress my friends.  but if i could drink wine, i would.  believe me.  all you bitches out there are such wino-s and are constantly bragging about all the delicious wine you love.  it makes me kind of jealous.

2. i am decently fluent in french.  this fact does not come in handy in texas.  at all.  we do not share a border with france, we share a border with mexico, and let me tell you, they do not speak french.

3. i have a tiny, tiny birthmark (i think it's a birthmark) on my left index finger which is shaped like the continent of south america.  this must mean i was supposed to be south american.  and this explains why people think i habla espanol.  (for you northerners that's spanish for "speak spanish.")

4. i played soccer since i was seven years old and played in college.  my collegiate experience wouldn't have been what it is had it not been for college sports.  (i miss it something awful.)

5. i love q-tips.  i don't know why, but i love them and thank whoever invented them.  they have over 1,000 uses for sure, and you don't realized how much you love them until you run out.  if you don't like q-tips, then you probably have nasty, dirty ears.

6. i love to snowboard.  preferably in the swiss alps.  shaun white ain't got nothing on me.

i'm passing BOTH of these awards onto these lucky gals because of their olympic man spirit and honest crap:

hotpants @ handbags and handguns

 summer @ le musings of moi

THE stephanie at live.laugh.love.

brooke @ oofa luffa le

salt @ salt says...

foxy @ the fox den

and of course to my trifecta:
monique @ a day in the life of a surferwife
jessalyn @ cape cod awesome

if you're not following these broads, you're missing out.

and one more thing... GIVEAWAY ends today at noon!!

mr. mouse #2 meets an untimely death

i'm seriously considering getting bailey help for her relationship issues.  you remember what she did to her first mr. mouse, right??  no?  no, you don't remember??  well, i've gotten a few new stalkers since then and i know some of y'all are lazy and won't go and read the previous post, so i'll just show you mr. mouse #1.  you're welcome:

{bailey went all mike tyson on mr. mouse #1 and ripped off his ear.}

if you thought what she did to her first man was bad, check out what she did to mr. mouse #2:

{he must have really done something to piss her off...}

{i don't know how many times i've got to say, you better not mess with the women in this house!}

take me back tuesday: middle school track meets

* tomorrow's the last day to enter my giveaway!! *

remember how some of you didn't seem to think my awkward, ugly duckling stage was really that awkward??  well, today i bring you great pictures.  oh the joys of middle school.  le sigh.  middle school brings back memories of my very favorite things: braces, unmanageable hair, messy ponytails, puberty, school uniforms, and "going out" with boys (even though you never actually went anywhere except maybe to the movies where my mom would drive us in the back of her land cruiser).  one of my favorite memories of middle school, though were school sports - soccer, track and field, cross country, and cheerleading.  i was never a volleyball player because i always had broken arms, and basketball wasn't my thing due to the whole issue of height (or lack thereof).  with soccer, my middle school didn't have a girls' team, so i played on the boys' team against other boys' teams.  i absolutely loved kicking the guys' asses.  middle school boys hate when (OMG) a girl is actually better than them at something.  so, naturally i capitalized on it.

i especially loved track meets because that's where me and my two best friends, erin and julie, would get to meet cute boys at other middle schools.  oh, and i liked getting the hardware that came with winning.  i liked winning.  (not much has changed.)  i ran the 100m, 200m, and 400m opens, and the 4x100m and 4x200m relays.  i wasn't the best at the 100m race, but the 200m and 400m races were definitely my thing.  my absolute favorite, though, was high jump.

 {this first photo shows me with my little sister in all my braces glory.  these photos were obviously taken before i had discovered the wonder that is make-up or tweezers.  i was unashamed of my sexy metal mouth.  this second photo is me with my two besties, erin and julie, discusses boys, no less.  judging from that skank look on my face, we must have been discusses a boy i didn't particularly care for.}

{running my favorite race - the 200 meter dash.  look at me running all fast like a fox.  or a cheetah.  because cheetahs are faster.}

{such a pensive little 6th grader i was with my cute little scrunch socks and reebok track spikes.}

getting all webMD in your face: food allergies

now that you all know what the title of my blog really means, a few of you have asked me some other questions.

a lot of you know that i have a few food allergies, desiree from at clemson girl and bathwater asked me what exactly my food allergies were and bathwater specifically wanted to know how i survived on marshmallows alone. 

good question since i've never really gone into any detail about it.  the answer is: i starve myself.  well, not really, but that's what i tell people when they ask me at a luncheon why i'm not eating.  actually, when i'm at a luncheon and i can't eat any of the food, women always ask me: oh my gosh, meredith!  why aren't you eating??  you're going to wither away to nothing.  you're already skinny.  i typically give them a dirty look and say: i'm not skinny, you're just overweight, so you think i'm skinny.  oh, and i'm anorexic.  'rexies don't eat, ya know.  it's irritating, to say the least.  though maybe if i had kate moss' willpower to not eat, i would go that route.  unfortunately, i don't.  i love food and i love to eat.  clearly.

anybitch, food allergies are a lot more complicated than a lot of people realize.  for example, just because i can eat something from one restaurant doesn't mean i can eat that same dish from another restaurant because each place uses different ingredients and has different preparation methods.  for instance, i can't eat apples during certain months out of the year when ragweed and mold spore counts are high.  for a couple months out of the year, eating certain fruits and vegetables when environmental allergens are high causes my mouth to break out in blisters.

so in a nutshell (no pun intended) here's what i'm allergic to.  and you should know, my food allergies weren't always like this, they've just gotten worse as i've gotten older for some reason.  apparently people can both grow out of and into food allergies, unfortunately.  so some of these are fairly new (like within the past two years), so it's taking some getting used to. 

milk
(yes, this also means ice cream, certain cheeses, yogurt, and anything creamy delicious)

soy

nuts  

(primarily almonds.  i think i may be able to eat some other kinds, but i just avoid all nuts just to be safe.)

shellfish 

(i.e. oysters, shrimp, crab, lobster, etc. - anything with a shell on it and lives in the ocean.  duh.)

certain kinds of fish

beef

avocados

mushrooms

SULFITES  

(the biggest, baddest bitch of them all)

the sulfite allergy is the most serious of them all because it is a preservative found in A LOT of different kinds of food.  here's just some of the foods that contain sulfites: wine, bottle lemon and lime juices, molasses, dried fruit, grape juice, frozen potatoes, fresh mushrooms, guacamole dip, salad dressing, vinegar, fruit topping, gravy, sauces, pickles, maple syrup, imported sausages, certain deli meats, prepackaged muffin mixes, cider, soft drinks, beer, pre-made pie crust and pizza dough, crackers, boxed cookies... the list goes on... so you kind of get the idea how it's somewhat difficult to to "grab a meal on the go." 

the reactions i have from accidentally eating foods i shouldn't have eaten can be very, very mild and not life threatening like itchiness or tingling.  The more moderate reactions include hives, stomach cramping, vomiting, and a drop in blood pressure.  The most serious reactions are include swelling of tongue, lips, and airways to straight up anaphylaxis (i.e. you can't breathe).  obviously the most life threatening reaction is an anaphylatic reaction in which your airways close completely and you are unable to breathe.  this isn't a good feeling.  it's scary and hopeless and you feel like "oh, shit, i'm going to die."  because if you can't breathe, you die.  unless you are a superhero and can breathe through your skin.  i'm not a superhero, just a superbitch so breathing through the skin doesn't work for me.  this mean that an epi-pen is my best friend.  "epi" gets to go EVERYWHERE i go.  and if i have a reaction i get stabbed by epi.

my mom is actually a medical freak when it comes to allergies. like she's been stabbed with the epi lots of times.  i am NOTHING compared to her.  she has eight different kinds of food she is able to eat without having a severe anaphylactic reaction.  part of the reason why i'm so crazy is because i am constantly worrying about her.  she is actually being studied by a lot of doctors around the u.s. and receives testing from a research hospital in denver, colorado called national jewish hospital.  my little sister also attends that research hospital for her medical issues.  unfortunately, there is no "cure" for severe food allergies, there is only awareness.  having asthma on top of food allergies typically doesn't help much either.  the food allergy and anaphylaxis network actually has a fundraiser walk each year.  you can check it out here and see when it'll be coming to your city. 

well, now that i've given you a lesson you could have received from webMD, i'll be back to talking about THE ga tomorrow.  or maybe i'll answer one of your more tantalizing questions... we'll see how i'm feeling.  if you hated this very boring, but educational post - sorrs.  if we're going to be BFF, you better know what you're getting yourself into.  (i'm talking to you, trifecta - jess and money.) 

oh, and i guess i should answer the question: what do i eat??  i eat banana bread for breakfast every single morning, pretty much.  since a lot of breads have milk and/or soy in them, i have become the betty crocker of bread baking.  seriously.  i'm kind of awesome at baking.  99% of everything i eat is organic.  i eat lots of chicken, pork, egg whites, brown rice, beans, sweet potato fries, and veggies.  i have this great pizza place i love in houston that i go to every now and then.  i just have to eat the pizza without the cheese!  for sweets, i eat rice dream (kind of like ice cream, but not) and lots of vanilla sugar cookies and oatmeal cookies.  for snacks i eat organic blue corn chips, rice cakes, baby carrots, back to nature cookies and honey graham sticks.  i can pretty much eat anything a "normal" person eats, just sometimes it has to be highly modified!  i follow a lot of recipes in a monthly magazine i receive called living without.

and don't forget to enter my first ever giveaway!!  giveaway ends this wednesday, and a winner will be announced thursday morning!!

what does (flash) pasteurized even really mean????

my real life friend (and favorite jewish girl ever), stacy over at "stacy says..." recently asked me why i call my blog "(flash) pasteurized."  and that's a very good question.  i've been wondering how long it would take before someone would ask me how the hell i came up with a name like that.

to be honest, when i was first thinking about beginning a blog last october, i was throwing a couple of name ideas around.  i knew i wanted something unique that would represent me in a way that would make people want to know, what does that blog name even mean??  i narrowed it down between "check engine light" and "(flash) pasteurized."  the first was taken, so that made my decision easy.

when most people think of flash pasteurized, they think of vegetable and fruit juice beverages and not my blog.  in fact, my favorite juices like odwalla, naked, bolthouse farms, and sir real all undergo the process of flash pasteurization.  per my best friend wiki (better known to the masses as wikipedia), flash pasteurization "is a method of heat pasteurization of perishable beverages like fruit and vegetable juices, beer, and some wine.  compared to other pasteurization processes, it maintains color and flavor better. [...]  it is done prior to filling into containers in order to kill spoilage microorganisms to make the products safer and extend their shelf life.  flash pasteurization must be used in conjunction with sterile fill technology and therefore has the risk of post-pasteurization contamination if hygiene standards are not rigorously enforced." 

the parts i put in bold in the definition above are the most important.  for me, in some weird way, these words represent my faith in a non-overt, non-in-your-face kind of way.  as weird as it may seem (because i'm weird), these words describe me.  being (flash) pasteurized is all about being made new and whole, free from any blemish or crap.  flash pasteurization is a process i must go through daily in committing my life to God and renewing my faith.  for me, my faith is incredibly important.  it is the most important.  it defines who i am and my direction in life.  i would not say i am a "religious" person; to me "religion" is a set of man-made rules that came about as a way of trying to explain God in a way for our feeble human minds to understand and grasp.  for me, God can't be explained or taught; He cannot be put in a box; and He cannot fully be understood or comprehended.  He can only be experienced and felt.  i know a lot of people don't like "Jesus-y" blogs.   (i'm still not sure what that entirely means other than to say my life itself is full of Jesus.) and that's fine.  we're all very much entitled to our opinion and you have the choice in which blogs you choose to read or not read.  i will not make apologies more my faith or beliefs, just as i hope you would not make for yours.

if anyone else has any questions about anything, shoot me an email.  there's one specific question, i'm wondering why none of my readers have asked... we'll see if anyone's secretly dying to know that one.  in the meantime, can someone please tell me what possesses someone to get this tattoo?!?!

news you can use #8: the ga loves me, a snarky principal, a $104 mil man, a crematorium van, and a giveaway

i've got a couple new readers since last week, so let me give you newbies a little introduction of what thursdays look like around these parts.  some of you don't have time to or choose not to keep yourself in the know about important events.  no need to fear, in each edition of news you can use! i supply you with only the very best weekly news.  this news includes - but is not limited to - such important things as: world news, hollywood news, movie news, reality tv news, interesting and weird happenings news, things i happen to find important or freakishly cool news, and my news (aka - what's going on in my life news). i know. all really exciting shit.  so sit back, grab a cup of coffee or a glass of champagne and know you are will be more informed after reading this.

lady gaga gets a tattoo in honor of me.  well, actually she got a new tattoo after her grammy wins as a way of thanking her fans, so that means she got it for me since i'm her #1 stunna.  it's on her right forearm and it says "little monsters."  if you don't know what a little monster is, it's her special nickname she has for me.  she endearingly refers to her fans as "little monsters."  i guess that makes sense because i refer to the preschoolers in the sunday school class i teach as "little nugget faces."

{if you look very closely, it says: "love to my #1 fan, (flash)"}

principal in phoenix suspended over sarcastic letter.  this is not a joke.  you've seriously got to read this letter.  this is my kind of principal.  if you laugh while reading the principal's letter, i will not judge you.  this is a judgment free zone.  don't believe me?  i wouldn't either, but you can check out the article  and the letter for yourself.

sculpture sells for a record $104 million.  i almost bought it, but was like "ehhh, i don't really have anywhere to put it in my house" so i decided not to.  ha!  seriously, people who have that kind of dough to fork over for a sculpture - holy shiz.  insane.  apparently an anonymous donor called in and bid on alberto giacometti's life-size bronze sculpture, "l'homme qui marche I" ("walking man I").  maybe if it were covered in sparkly diamonds all over, it'd totes be worth it...

{my little brother once made a clay sculpture like this for our mom for mother's day when we he was little.  she still has it in her kitchen and it's head has been hot-glued back on it's body at least a dozen times.}

"crematorium vehicle.  stay 8 feet back."  i am 99.9% certain you couldn't have read the sign on the back of that van from looking at this picture. sorry. i was driving in the ghetto and it was raining and the previous light had just changed and i couldn't find my phone fast enough and i was turning left and the van was going right. i know - excuses, excuses.  BUT i still managed to get a picture at least.  let me tell you, i was terrified of having that back door of the van opening while i was behind it...

** don't forget to enter my giveaway going on through next wednesday, february 10th!! **

IT'S. MY. FIRST. GIVEAWAY. EVER. (!!!!!!!!)

i'm so excited i can barely freaking contain myself.  

for the past couple of weeks, i've been lying awake in bed wondering what i can do to show my readers how much i heart them and appreciate them and their comments.  and every morning, i've been eating breakfast on one of my new bar stools aimlessly thinking about giveaways.  i've been racking my brain for cool giveaways that would make you want to lift up your shirts like you were trying to catch mardi gras beads.  yesterday morning, i woke up and KNEW i had to do something soon because not having had a giveaway yet was killing me.  sure, i make some of you snicker or laugh, but sometimes you want something materialistic for your time.  i was even considering leaving work early yesterday to go get some goodies for a giveaway when an email from CSN stores came up in my inbox with an opportunity for them to sponsor a giveaway!!!  (thank you, CSN stores!)  i knew i must have done something right because the giveaway gods had heard my cries for help and emailed me!!

one lucky winner is going to be the proud owner of these two gorgeous wine glasses (i know how much you guys like to drink).  the irony in this giveaway is that the only thing i can drink out of them is water or orange juice, seeing as though drinking wine would kill me damn food allergies.  BUT i know plenty of you are wineys and would love to get your hands on a pair of these:

da rules and how you can enter: 

1. for one entry, you obvs have to be a follower.  and you have to live in the u.s. or canada.  (sorrs to my other worldly readers; i promise i'll do a giveaway open to everyone soon!)  AND you have to leave me a comment about why you think you should win.

2. for a second entry, blog about this giveaway.

3. for a third entry, add a link to this giveaway on your sidebar.

that's it!  super easy, huh?  
ends at noon (c.s.t.) on wednesday, february 10th!

take me back tuesday: the hot pink fringe shirt is BACK!

boy have i got a take me back tuesday for you all today!!  because so many of you raved about how much you loved last week's hot pink, rhinestone-studded, fringe shirt, i brought it back.  that's right.  you're in luck.  and this time, folks, it wasn't even "go texan day" -- it was my 7th birthday party at a badass roller rink.  remember those??  all my friends thought i was so cool wearing my brand spankin' new roller blades winning all the races.  seriously, i was a lightening bolt on the 'blades. 

as you can see, my smile resembles that of a jack-o-lantern.  but do i not smile?  do i embarrassingly attempt to hide my awful teeth?  no, i put them on display for all to see.  i apparently thought i looked goooood.  and as you can see from the photos, my smartass attitude problem clearly started early.  when my mom asks, "meredith, how'd you get to be like this?"  i point at her and then show her old pictures with my 'tude shining through.  "shoulda put a stop to it sooner, momma!"

swimsuits i will never wear

i should probably be talking about the grammy's last night, but with swimsuit season fast approaching (well, hopefully fast approaching in houston, at least.  it is 38 degrees here this morning and 57 degrees in my effing office), i decided i needed to scratch some suits off the list immediately.  i'm sure my faithful male readers are going to love this post and won't be able to get past the photos of the half-naked women long enough to actually read my comments and get my point.  ladies, however, i know you'll understand and appreciate what i'm saying. 

{i'm not really a fan of clothes that look like they were dragged through a garbage disposal before i purchase them.  well, expect jeans.  i'm okay with holey jeans.  plus, whether you have small melons or large melons, i'm pretty certain your puppies' little noses would peek out in the get-up.}

{anytime an article of clothing looks like an animal was brutally massacred in the making isn't something i particularly want to wear.  in this case, it looks like some endangered species of a new zealand bird has it's wings chopped off for this top.}

{i have to admit, i actually kind of like this swimsuit.  in fact i like it a lot, i just don't think i'd ever wear it as a swimsuit.  can you imagine trying to actually swim in that??  i'm pretty sure you'd drown with your arms attached to your body like that.  i'd totally wear this a a unitard top thing with shorts or a skirt, though.}

{umm, can you say "worst tan lines EVER"?!  and if this model's derrier is not fitting in these bottoms, i'm pretty sure my arse won't be fitting either.}

{the point of wear a swimsuit is not so i can look like i was wrapped with nude color ace bandages.}

{i don't care how old i am, i will NEVER EVER wear this.  in fact, i ask you to kill me if i am seen in it.  the hat?  maybe.}

{these beads go only in a 1960s door entry way.}

{she may be going to a texas rodeo, so for this, i will not judge her.}

sock hoarder: i apparently have a thing for socks

i know we all have our own little quirks, idiosyncrasies, and weird things that we do.  at this point in my life, however, i thought i knew all of mine.  i happen to have a lot of them, and i'm pretty sure it comes with the territory of being OCD (may also be read as "crazy").  i don't use that term lightly like some people do.  it seems to be a catch phrase that all of a sudden everyone is describing themselves as "OCD."  i use this term in the real, medical sense, not in the "i like things a certain way" sense.  anyways, now you know i'm legitimately OCD and, those of you who have read my blog for awhile, know i like a lot of weird shit.  no, THE ga doesn't count as the weird shit i like.  she's filed under cool shit i like.  

okay, let me invite you over to last night at my house.  the weather in h-town's going ape shit again and a storm and cold snap are coming our way.  it was just starting to rain last night, so i did my nightly routine and got into bed early to continue reading a book i've really been into lately.  i pull the covers up and find a single, cushy thorlo running sock in my sheets (my fave).  oooh, i think, i wonder where the other one is?  so i start crawling under my sheets and inspect around to find the missing counterpart.  not only do i finally find the missing partner, i also find THIS:

{i am apparently a sock hoarder.}

wtf?! i think, where the hell did all of these socks come from??  let me just say a couple of things: i'm always cold before i go to bed, so i always have to wear socks when i first get into bed.  i can't sleep with them on, so at some point before falling asleep i slide them off under the sheets.  this seems like a plausible explanation for finding six pairs of socks in my sheets, right?  wrong!  i just washed my sheets on tuesday night which means i'd only slept in my bed twice since i washed my sheets and there were definitely not six pairs of socks hiding in there.  i realized that in the middle of the night, instead of finding the pair i took off a couple of hours previous, i go to my sock drawer and just get another pair.  so in two nights time i managed to collect six pairs of socks in my sheets like an effing sock hoarder!  i guess we all have our things.

go check me out today at monique's surferwife's guide to a triathlon!!

monique is one of my really lazy friends.  she has two kids, a surfer husband, and a snarky ass mouth.  oh, and she happens to compete and be a badass in triathlons, too.  whatevs.  okay, she's kind of a big deal.  now, go!!  get yo'self on over there!!

news you can use #7: country's status, pregnant man, octomom in bikini, cool shit, man with 44 lizards in his pants

state of da union.  the p.o.t.u.s. gave his state of the union address last night.  i have to ask, did you watch vice pres joe biden during the speech??  joe, with his flawless veneers and hair plugs, cracks me up.  i seriously can't help but love the guy for all the things he shouldn't be doing or saying in public.  he tried to clap at the weirdest, most awkward times, and he kept smiling at moments where you shouldn't have been smiling, and he kept playing with his tie.  he did have a great tie.

{"yo B!  B.O.!  you want me to do the jack nicholson impression now??  i can divert their attention away from our shitty economy!  now??  okay!"}

second pregnant man.  scott moore and his husband, thomas, were both born female and underwent sex changes.  scott's now expecting and is due with a baby boy next month.  don't believe me?  you think i'd lie to you?  you can read about it here.

{is it just me or does that teddy bear in the corner really freak you out??  oh, wait the teddy bear's the least of my worries in this picture... scott, on the left, looks like an overgrown baby.}

octomom in a bikini!  say whaaaaat?!?  yep, octomom herself is frolicking around in a bikini saying she did it all without surgery.  allegedly.  you know what i say to that: LIAR!  there is no freaking way she had eight babies all up in her pikachu canal stretching her out!  and she wants to say she DIDN'T have surgery?!?!??  if she's spittin' the truth, then she is seriously a freak of nature and i'm sorry for calling her a liar.

{octomom in all her octo glory.}

{octocrazy now.  all i gotta say is: IN.SANE.  where did all that extra skin go??}

{you think the paris-nicole debaucle was bad.  you ain't seen nothin' yet!  THIS is the ultimate smackdown!!}

cool shit that i wish i invented. 

{i could hide store so much shit!}

{problem with singing into you loofa now SOLVED.}

{it's about damn time.  there's an ipod deck for everything, everywhere in the house.  it's about time the bathroom stopped being the neglected room in the house.}

man caught with 44 lizards in his pants.  i really truly don't understand my fellow homo sapien species sometimes.  honestly.  a german man was at an airport in new zealand when he was caught hiding 44 geckos in a hand-sewn pouch concealed in his underwear.  (wtf???)  he was sentenced to prison in new zealand for stealing the country's protected species.  once again, don't believe me?  fact check me here.

{he's lucky he didn't have 44 of these in his underoos...}

i am a karate kicking badass and have a blog full of hearts

this award is all about recognizing friendships that have been made while blogging.  this is award is also about recognizing that you don't have to have a black belt in karate to really eff someone up.  i can give just about anyone a good ass whoopin' and i am no jet li.

hotpants at handbags and handguns clearly, finds me to be a master of the karate arts and an amazing bloggy friend.  and clearly, she is right.  i'm the one of the left.  the one in the nut hugging, banana hammock.  hotpants is the one with the tat and nicole richie eyeliner.  go check this woman out - she's a g when it comes to celebrity gossip and she loves vampires.  obvi, we're kindred spirits.

i've never been very good at following the rules, but i happen to like these rules.  therefore, (this one time) i will play along.

1. list 6 things you are a master in.

2. pass it on to 6 bloggers you think are masters at friendship and make blogging so awesome.

6 things of which i am effing awesome

1. sports.  you name it, i'll play it.  minus swimming; i won't be awesome at swimming.  i mean i can swim.  duh.  just not michael phelps fast.  like normal speed, i guess.  like i can probably swim as fast as michael phelps can walk through the water.  but most other sports, i'm game.  and chances are, i'll raise the stakes, put a bet on it, and i'll be out for blood.  too competitive?  wrong.

2. watching tv.  (hotpants is also awesome at this.)  seriously, i can watch tv like nobody's freakin' biznass.  day long marathons?  count me in, i'm there.  i will only move if i really have to pee.

3. baking banana bread.  i can't cook worth shit.  yes, i know how to read a cookbook, but it all seems so tedious, boring, and messy.  plus, i *think* i made myself sick after eating something i tried to make reading out of a cookbook.  BAKING, on the other hand, i put martha fields to shame with my baker extraordinaire skills.  i get to wear a super cute apron - a monogrammed cheetah and damask print, nonetheless.  my aunt from nola made it for me.  who dat?!

4. conducting background checks. i'm not kidding you, i can pretty much find out anything about anyone.

5. bitching and complaining.  my skills go unrivaled. 

6. school.  sounds lame, but i have always been awesome at school.  like kicked it's ass awesome.  i miss it.  i like kicking 's ass at things.

6 7 of my blogging bffs who i know would seriously kick someone's ass for me.  seriously, if you eff with me, you're messing with them.

1. monique @ a day in the life of a surferwife
(http://surferwife23.blogspot.com/)

2. jessalyn @ cape cod awesome
(http://capecodawesome.blogspot.com/)

3. kiran @ masala chica
(http://masalachica.blogspot.com/)

4. mayra @ life is bananas
(http://littlemayra.blogspot.com/)

5. aubrey @ made you blush
(http://hendersons01.blogspot.com/)

6. red dreads (aka - the HOTTEST red head i know)
http://restlesslipsyndrome.blogspot.com/

7. liz @ it's unbeweavable!
(http://www.itsunbeweavable.com/)
(liz is having some AMAZING giveaways ALL week long so get yo'self on over there!)

this next award comes from kinsey michaels AND momma ra.  kinsey's a little sassy, a little outrageous, and has a love for heidi montag's shoe collection.  she's a west coast chick with a lot to say.  now about momma ra... have you seen this momma's insanely adorable, baby boy jackson???  the kids got looks other toddlers would kill for.  seriously, you need to go to her blog just to look at the adorable pics of her little boy.  stalkerish much??  of course not!  oh, and she's italian, like me, so what's not to love?!  thank you, ladies!!

i'm passing this on to four ladies whose blogs i adore and make my days full of hearts in my face:

summer @ b is for brown
(http://bisforbrown.blogspot.com/)

ashley paige @ i love you more than carrots
(http://iloveyoumorethancarrots.blogspot.com/)

cathy @ antsy pants
(http://cathyhasantsypants.blogspot.com/)

erin @ the mother load
(http://abbyandizzysmom.blogspot.com/)

this last award comes from one of my newest stalkers, T at it's my moment to shine.  she also love THE ga.

it is with great honor that i bestow this award - gorgeous ladies of blogging - to my two favorite men who are such faithful lovers of my blog:

this is scoman

bathwater @ memento mori
(http://memento-mori-bathwater.blogspot.com/)

maybe i'm just not avant garde enough...?

{mmm, i love a man in plastic bubble wrap.  it's important to always being "safe"!}

{i don't know what i love more - the clear, tinkerbell plastic wings or the red peter pan tights.}

{scary.as.shit.}

{when life gives you lemons, make an effing jacket.}

{marshmallows in yo face!}

{i'm not the only one eating too many marshmallows these days...}

{lady gaga, is that you???}

{did kanye west's grandma knit these shades?  i think so.}

{just in case she gets hungry.  models get hungry, too you know.}

{maybe she's just really really cold.}

{i think this one's just too big for her.  maybe it would look good if they had one in her size...  i guess the outfit doesn't come with pants either.}

{for once, i don't even know what to say.  it would at least provide you with a lot of personal space.}